Thursday, December 25, 2014
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
210 this morning. It has been a slower week but my goal was to get to 210 by the time I picked up my daughter from the airport this coming Friday night. It looks as though I will meet that goal. I am very happy with that. I know things come in waves and I am sure this is my time for that. I have felt kind of sluggish this week. I have been suffering from a UTI. That has sucked. Yesterday I walked 5 miles and the last part of it really was rough. I had to remind myself that I probably wasn't being the smartest since I have an infection. I just feel like I need to push through things. Today it is raining and incredibly windy. We are supposed to get winds of 50-60 mph. That is not optimal for walking so it will be a day of weights for me. Hopefully I won't being doing them by candlelight. :) I keep my eye on the prize and my original "goal" was to be under 200 by the time I was 50. So if I am under 200 by the time I am 49 in mid February, that would be thrilling. If I am being truthful which I always try to be, I would be disappointed if it didn't happen sooner but I know realistically the slower the better. I just have to keep my head in the game.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
On another note, I hate to be a bit whiner but it snowed the other day and it has totally messed up my walking. I went yesterday but I did 2.38 miles. Today I did 3.25 miles but it wasn't my usual fast paced walking because I was too busy trying not to break my neck on black ice. I went because I needed to keep going even though it was 29 degrees outside and scary every other step. I have to keep going. We (as in my my hubby and me) got a weight bench yesterday which is exciting. That is going to allow me to add a whole new addition to my workouts. I just need to figure out a plan.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Tomorrow in Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. I am blessed far more than I deserve.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
I am so looking forward to the holidays, and going Christmas shopping in the big city with my daughters. I can dress sharp and walk effortlessly and feel proud that not long ago I couldn't do "this". The other day I was at the end of a good 5 miles and I was struggling a little bit and I thought of a few people in my life with struggles with health and I knew that they probably would give anything to be able to do what I just did. I quit my inner whinning and pushed ahead. I am blessed. SUPER blessed. Sometimes, I forget that and need to remember that when the "I can't do this" pops in my brain. I honestly want to be here for a very long time to love, to live and to enjoy life with my family and having good health is really a key to that. I have the responsibility to do something about what I have "messed up" you might say. I know that. I am also praying, praying, praying like crazy that my children will see me and NOT follow in my footsteps. I pray they will see the struggles and they will not walk down this path. It is not worth it. Stay healthy, be physical, be active, live life. Love yourself and don't punish it with food and inactivity. I know there are some things in our life we can't control but what we can...take charge of. This is why I am so passionate about this. I can control this, this is within my power to do something about.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Monday, November 10, 2014
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Thursday, November 6, 2014
This morning I was looking for some pants to wear that were not yoga pants. One pair after another I pulled out of my closet and they were too big. It sucked because it's cold outside. So I went shopping and grabbed 18's and just for grins some 16's. Every pair of 18's I tried on were too big. This is me in size 16. I will take it!!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
I am challenging myself this week. I got on the scale and it read 223.6 this morning. That is a loss of 48 pounds. I drive myself a little crazy because I get on the scale daily and I really need to stop. So my "Challenge" is to not get back on the scale again until next Wednesday morning. That is my goal and I am sticking to it. Let's see how this goes. My other goal is to drink more water. I have a bladder issue that I am working with a Dr. on and have some tests to be run next week about. I resist drinking water because of it. I need to overcome that. So my other challenge to myself is to drink more water and just "go with the flow". Ha!Ha! I made a joke! I crack myself up. :)
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
The part that stunned me is that I wondered if I might be able to get to 225 by Nov. 1. I thought it might be hard but possible. I keep having to readjust my goals because I keep losing pretty fast which is okay in one way but worries a little bit in another. So yesterday I got on the scale and was shocked as it was only the 27th, and I weighed in at 224.8. I realize that I can go up and down ounces on a daily basis but there's my Nov. 1 goal met. That puts me at -46.8 Wow. I have all these things swirling around in my head. How long is it going to take me to get where I am going and how far am I going to let myself go and then how do I balance myself when I get to my goal? I am not a little girl. I have huge hands, big feet, literally skin stretched over bones I am a nice size 12, and 10 at the smallest. I am not tiny and don't believe my body was ever intended to be such. I also need to start working on more than just walking because while it is helping me with energy and stamina and losing weight, it is doing nothing for shaping my body in to anything great. I just have a history with gyms. It's a start/stop relationship. Hey, that is kind of like me and diets. Ha!Ha! I don't want that. I have heard a lot about this "Crossfit" but don't know if that would really be my thing or not. I just don't want to invest in something only to stop it plus I have so little time. That is what I love, love, love, LOVE about walking. I can fit it around MY schedule and it helps me in more ways that just physically. It has been the biggest help to have that time to "walk away" some times and pray and just self talk and clear my brain of what is eating away at me. This is one of the reasons why I love walking alone. It's my own "private Idaho" in my head and no-one is invited to crazy town. Ha!Ha! No one would like to go near that place. :)
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Thursday, October 16, 2014
I am not shy about sharing the fact that I suffer from depression and have my entire life. I was diagnosed as a young Adult. It is something that I wrestle with at some periods in my life more than others. In other words it can be so much more palpable at times and it feels like I am drowning. I feel guilty because there are people who have problems so much bigger than mine yet I dredge mine up when I am struggling because they feed this monster. It is as if I need to give myself a reason to cry and feel withdrawn. The truth is that those feelings come even when things can be great. Unfortunately right now I am overloaded and don't see a way to clear out some of the extra stress so I just have to plow through. I can and I will. I just feel like a soda bottle that has been shaken up and is about to blow. I can control only what I can control. I can keep eating well and exercise and pray and ride out the storm for however long this one lasts.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
I didn't realize when I asked my husband to take my picture today that it is exactly one month ago from the last one he took. So I am not sure of the exact weight difference but one of me in red is today, down 38 pounds now. Perhaps the 8th of the month should now be the day I snap a pic to see if there is a difference. Oh how I wish my boobs didn't look like they were smashed around my waist. That's a sports bra for ya!
Monday, October 6, 2014
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
As I sit here with a sleeping grandbaby in my one arm, I type with the other hand. While I was driving her Mom to work this morning I was thinking many things. One of them was "I could be out walking this early" but the other was how can I make sure this is permanent? I have been down the road of working my ass off to thin only to come to a dead stop and gain everything back. So how do I make sure this time is different? I have so much pain emotionally and I hate the hard work it takes to change. It feels as though fear, past hurt and emotions weigh as much as fat does. I walk up hills I would rather not but I have to. I'd just assume give up some days because it's hard but it is reflective of life. Some of those hills I trudge up literally and I want to stop, thumb a ride. LOL It doesn't work that way though. I have to get up it on my own. So I guess every time I walk I am climbing my own metaphor. Prayer is in my heart that I will keep fighting, and keep climbing. When those stop signs come and I know they will, I just have to look both ways and cross safely and keep moving. These little toes want a healthy Grandma. I want a healthy me and some freedom from a body that traps me emotionally and physically.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
I am also very excited to say that my sweetheart of a husband told me to go ahead and buy those shoes I have been eyeballin'. So come Tuesday, Mama will have a new pair of shoes. I sure hope they fit. I walked 4 miles today and I was wishing for some magic on my feet. I am not crazy enough to think that shoes will make this easier but a girl can hope, right?
Thursday, September 25, 2014
On another note, tonight I really pushed myself and walked further than I have in a long time. I did 5.32 miles and it really felt amazing. I was dragging the last bit but for the bulk of it my energy was all there and I was enjoying myself. I truly LOVE walking. Yes, there are days I have to push myself out the door but I love it once I am out there. Today was just extra great and knowing I was exceeding my usual made it all the better. I have also found that the music I listen to makes a difference. Junk music doesn't motivate me. I have a "Barlow Girl" station on my Pandora Radio that is Christian Rock and it just makes me feel better. It's a funny thing but while I loves me some Pitt Bull, the nasty stuff just does nothing for my thoughts when I am out walking and trying to clear my head, heart and soul.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Yesterday I didn't let a little rain hold me back. It felt amazing and rewarding in its own way. I live in an area where cold and wet are part of the climate so after a nice summer it appears the season has changed. I just have to plow through it. I need to find the right clothing and attitude and that will keep me warm and dry.
Happily I can say that I had to purchase smaller jeans this week. 2 sizes smaller. I still say I don't see it but my jeans and denim capris were about to fall off of me. That is a victory. Small steps in the right direction.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Today I went early on my walk. I decided to conquer the "Frog"as I call it or a 3 miler. It involves a long, climbing hill. I was proud of myself because I didn't stop walking. Big Accomplishment. It's hard not to stop, and I don't even think this is this is the mega hard stuff but for some reason as I am chugging up I slow down. Breaks don't help and they put off the inevitable. I just pushed through it and I am glad. I ate a banana today shortly before I left and I am wondering if that helped give me some extra energy along with it being earlier in the day. Maybe. I am just grateful it's done!
I am doing a 5K in December. I am really excited about it. I am walking it and will probably walk it slower than I normally do because I am going to keep pace with a very dear friend. She suffers from rheumatoid arthritis. I count my blessings because I have seen her struggle over the last two years but get better with treatment. She is so happy to be well enough to walk in this 5K. I can't imagine being as young as we are and starting to lose so much mobility in joints. She has told me about how terrible the pain is, even starting her car has been next to impossible at times. I got call one time with her in tears because she couldn't walk down the stairs because she was in so much pain and she didn't what to do. It really hits home how blessed I am. I am so proud of her and this 5K for me will be about sharing a nice long walk with someone who couldn't do that even a year ago for her RA was so bad. Now, she can.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Saturday, September 13, 2014
I was walking today and found myself really struggling. After 6 weeks you would think this would be getting easier but it isn't. It's hard and I have to push myself up and down the hills. I get really angry and upset. Seriously. When is this going to let up and get easier?
Last night I went on a long walk. I have been avoiding that walk because I haven't done it in a while and it involves a big hill but I was glad I did it. Now I know I have to go do it again and again. :) When I came to the hill, I just looked at the crest and headed for it. I didn't look down, just straight up where the light was at the crest and it moved me forward. I know I have so many hills to climb to get through this mess, not just one but too many to count. Things get stuck in my brain and I have to shake them out constantly. When I am walking sometimes I think I should be doing this or that too but I know I am still just getting started. I will get where I am going but can't get ahead of myself.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
So, this is a journey to health, not a journey to skinny. This is a journey to a better life for me and my family. It is hard, and it is work, crazy hard work and sometimes I don't want to do it. I don't want to eat, I don't want to figure out dinner for everybody, I don't want to walk…I just want some magic but it doesn't happen that way. That is why I pray for strength constantly because there no other power than that which I can be given by my Heavenly Father that will get me there. I have strayed completely from the religion of my youth, but I don't flounder in my faith in God and my belief in Christ. I have unwavering faith in the power of prayer. When I walk, sometimes depending on what is going on…my walk can be nothing but a long prayer in progress. I know that is what is going to get me there. So that is where I am at today. I am going to shoot for 10 pound increments per month or 5 at least and that would make me happy. I say that but I think I would be disappointed if it wasn't 10. However I know 5 would be really the healthier thing for me. I just have to see what happens. A big obstacle for me right now is also drinking enough water because I have an incredibly weak bladder and if I drink too much water than I can't go for a walk in the evening. Last thing I want is to get caught ditching behind a tree to pee. I never would but that is what it feels like I need to do sometimes. Ha!Ha! No portopotties on my trails.
Monday, September 8, 2014
I am posting a pic from today. I took it for a friend of mine at her insistence. I am not smiling and my hair isn't brushed but it's me. I personally don't see the difference yet. I feel a slight difference but I know things are changing. At least the scale is saying so.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
I am just sitting here on my parent's porch listening to the locusts and watching the squirrels play chase. My trip has been good for me, fairly stress free and relaxing. It was loads of work hauling all my daughter's belongings in to her dorm in the Texas heat but we got it done.
I have managed to make excellent food choices even in restaurants. The only thing lacking this week is the walking. It's just too hot here. So Sunday when I am home, the pavement and I have a date. My only hope is that my good food choices have been enough to help me maintain all the good I have done so far.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
So tomorrow I leave for a week away from home. That means eating healthy will take more effort as I know hanging with my folks means more restaurants are involved. Walking will also be a challenge but I am hoping I can find time. I am taking my shoes. I am holding firm at -16 since the 25 th of July. I don't feel it as in my clothes don't feel loser but I physically feel better. I struggle to eat through out the day because I am just not very hungry. That takes effort and I know if I don't eat regularly I won't lose. Grrrrrr. I was feeling some crazy anxiety the other night and went for a walk and it is amazing how much it helps clear my head. Walking and prayers.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Today I finally went and bought a battery for my scale. Granted I can't be sure how it compares to my Dr.'s. But...I got on it and give or take whatever I am over 14 pounds down since I saw him a couple of weeks ago. My goal was to be down 10 by my next appt. I am still 3 weeks from seeing him. So I will say I made that goal. That is pure motivation for me. It just means something is happening even if I can't see it. I know the first part is a lot of water weight but I can start working on the real meat and potatoes. Yay.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Well, it was 2.5 today but so glad I went. I got tripped up by my path having a huge private party of dragster cars on it with a slew of people standing around. So I walked a different route and had my husband come grab me so I wouldn't have to walk back by them. Silly but whatchagonnado? :)