Thoughts

As I sit here with a sleeping grandbaby in my one arm, I type with the other hand. While I was driving her Mom to work this morning I was thinking many things. One of them was "I could be out walking this early" but the other was how can I make sure this is permanent? I have been down the road of working my ass off to thin only to come to a dead stop and gain everything back. So how do I make sure this time is different? I have so much pain emotionally and I hate the hard work it takes to change. It feels as though fear, past hurt and emotions weigh as much as fat does. I walk up hills I would rather not but I have to. I'd just assume give up some days because it's hard but it is reflective of life. Some of those hills I trudge up literally and I want to stop,  thumb a ride. LOL It doesn't work that way though. I have to get up it on my own. So I guess every time I walk I am climbing my own metaphor. Prayer is in my heart that I will keep fighting,  and keep climbing.  When those stop signs come and I know they will, I just have to look both ways and cross safely and keep moving.  These little toes want a healthy Grandma. I want a healthy me and some freedom from a body that traps me emotionally and physically.