Thursday, July 25, 2013
Like that will seriously be difficult. This morning I was huffing and puffing along and grumbling out loud to myself until I saw a man waiting for the ferry shuttle. I quickly shut up until I got past him but then I think I probably quickly went back to my feeling sorry for myself. In all of my self pity I reminded myself to remember all of this. There was a time that I went through this before and it was so incredibly hard. Each time I did it though...it got a little easier and then, well I fell in love with walking and something came over me and there were days I didn't want to stop. 4 miles, 5 miles, 6 miles, 7 miles....for runners that is nothing but walking that takes more time. I was walking 9-10 minute miles and yes....even got under that a few times but I wasn't the scary swinging hips and arms walker. I was "I'm the Ginger Bread Man catch me if you can" almost running walker. The difference between walking in Texas and Washington is HILLS...and they BITE....my calves, my shins. Like I said though, I will grumble through the hard stuff for a while because I know that after a while that time will come that the wind will catch my sail and it will dawn on me "Hey, this is easier than it used to be". That only means longer walks and pushing harder but I will be ready for that then. For now...small steps, just the painful, swearing under my breath, wonder what in the heck I am doing steps in the right direction. That's how I see it anyway.
Posted by MyThoughtsExactly at 9:00 AM
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Posted by MyThoughtsExactly at 5:54 PM
Monday, July 22, 2013
Once upon a time...about 5 years ago I lived in work out clothes. BEST THINGS EVER! Well, the huge ones aren't so much but when you go from a size 24ISH to a 10, they do get pretty cool and comfy. I decided that I need to start there. I am not thinking that I need to be a slob and start living in sweat pants and t-shirts but I needed something to wear to walk in, good bra and here where we live, the crazies drive. So NEON it was. Nope, I did not buy a neon bra but definitely neon shirts. I even bought a neon harness for my Petula. I believe I shall enlist her help in this journey as she would probably love to be "forced" to go on a walk with me. So now that I have the "get up", I just have to find the "go". I believe I have it. Just one foot in front of the other, one minute at a time and see where that takes me. Baby steps.
Posted by MyThoughtsExactly at 12:46 PM
Sunday, July 21, 2013
I stood yesterday in the shower and cried....I just cried. I am THERE. I am at that point I did not want to be but have found myself....AGAIN. It's not the first time....or the second time...or the third...I crumble but I know deep within my soul I must find the ground for which I must set my feet upon and stand once and for all. I have come back to my original blog, the one where I drew my greatest strength and where I "did my best". I need to finish this story. I have to break down the wall I threw up once and for all. This has absolutely nothing to do with looking a certain way but everything about beating demons that I have wrestled my entire life. It is also about deciding that it is okay to be comfortable and to love myself and have confidence in my appearance. I do deserve that. This is about not hiding in flesh from what I fear. It is a coat I must forever take off, the healthy way. I want to live, and be all that I know I have within me to be. My knowledge and the fact that I have seen myself do this before proves I am capable. It is finding the personal strength to fight the tendrils of doubt and despair and "I don't wannas" that get me. Doing what I am doing right now....PUTTING THIS OUT HERE....This very, very personal blog that some have seen and many have not is my way of literally turning myself inside out a bit. This does help me because I can clear my head and if I feel like some random "Joe" hears the clanking of my thoughts then that is something. I moan and groan and go on about nothing but it helps me and that is the point. Why is this post titled "I Can't"? Well, because I have felt a lot of that lately as my body is feeling all the crappy effects of carrying more weight that it should. Recently a good friend posted a video that I have seen many times before that inspired me once again and reminded me I CAN.
Posted by MyThoughtsExactly at 12:10 PM