Sunday, July 21, 2013
I stood yesterday in the shower and cried....I just cried. I am THERE. I am at that point I did not want to be but have found myself....AGAIN. It's not the first time....or the second time...or the third...I crumble but I know deep within my soul I must find the ground for which I must set my feet upon and stand once and for all. I have come back to my original blog, the one where I drew my greatest strength and where I "did my best". I need to finish this story. I have to break down the wall I threw up once and for all. This has absolutely nothing to do with looking a certain way but everything about beating demons that I have wrestled my entire life. It is also about deciding that it is okay to be comfortable and to love myself and have confidence in my appearance. I do deserve that. This is about not hiding in flesh from what I fear. It is a coat I must forever take off, the healthy way. I want to live, and be all that I know I have within me to be. My knowledge and the fact that I have seen myself do this before proves I am capable. It is finding the personal strength to fight the tendrils of doubt and despair and "I don't wannas" that get me. Doing what I am doing right now....PUTTING THIS OUT HERE....This very, very personal blog that some have seen and many have not is my way of literally turning myself inside out a bit. This does help me because I can clear my head and if I feel like some random "Joe" hears the clanking of my thoughts then that is something. I moan and groan and go on about nothing but it helps me and that is the point. Why is this post titled "I Can't"? Well, because I have felt a lot of that lately as my body is feeling all the crappy effects of carrying more weight that it should. Recently a good friend posted a video that I have seen many times before that inspired me once again and reminded me I CAN.
Posted by MyThoughtsExactly at 12:10 PM