Monday, December 29, 2008

Oil is muey importante!

Yeah, fiber is important but so is fat...because you'd think as much fiber as this girl eats and as much water as I drink....well...things would always go smoothly shall we say....but nope....body does need a certain amount of fat...the healthy kind. So gotta make sure I get plenty of that and am not scrimpin!

We leave tomorrow for Mississippi for New Years. I have my plans for what I am going to eat and my snacks all fixed up. I have whole wheat bread rising and I am going to going to grill some chicken this afternoon for snacks and chicken salad for the road. The trip should be a 8 hour trip but always takes MUCH longer. I wish we could all wear depends and pretend we are astronauts in love and just get there........hahahahahaha.

I made some Mojito Chicken the other night that was the bomb! I miss a store we had in California and MA called Trader Joes. They had a simmering sauce called Mojito Sauce. I understand they don't sell it anymore. Well, I did my best to imitate it and I must was a pretty close match. It was a mixture of fresh orange juice, lime juice, lots of garlic, onion, cilantro, cumin, oregano, black pepper and sea salt with a small amount of olive oil, and some cider vinegar. We had it with black beans and rice. Well, they had the rice...I had mine with wheat berries of white rice for me.

I was telling Kent this morning since I have changed what I eat and workout everyday...I can't sleep in anymore. I am just really tired. I am definitely tired at night and sleep very well at night. In the mornings however...I just don't feel like I used to and can't go back to sleep or sleep late. Energy makes energy. That's a good thing. He says he noticed I don't snore either. Funny how just 20 pounds can change something like that. I remember when I used to wake up sort of catching my breath as if I had been crying or something....that doesn't happen any more. Change is good...It's all good.

I am looking forward to Mississippi. I do love being out in the country and it seems like there is nothing to worry about. We don't really mess with the internet because it's not worth's too slow. TV isn't worth watching. My inlaws have a horse now...there is cows...a pony...chickens.....My mother in law lets the kids just have fun and be kids.....not much is off limits to them. She's a fun grandma...and fixes all their favorites. I'll have to get creative in my workout....find a road to walk up and down but I'll do problems there. I am getting up at 5 in the morning to go work out before we leave so that takes care of tomorrow. I will work out after we get back...on just have to make sure I work out Wednesday and Thursday while we are there.

Off to pack and clean out the car and get everything ready to rock and roll!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

21.2 today......I feel like singing that awful song....I got the POWAH!!!!!

All that since December 1st! When I get my laptop working I will starting posting pictures because I took some before pictures and I am gonna be taking pictures as I travel this road.......

More Thoughts!

When we were in Cape Cod I saw a councilor who I really thought the world of and he taught me a lot in a very short time. He seemed like one of those people who has spent a lot of time searching for his soul or zen or whatever you might call it. He's Jewish and I loved his perspective on the Savior and how he knows that we as Christians talk about loving one another but we have such a hard time loving ourselves. This has to come first. Self love is really, really hard because we are so critical of ourselves and we see our every flaw and imperfection.

He always had wonderful stories and antidotes to tell me and I hope I don't butcher them but I'd like to share a couple.

One of the things he always told me was to learn to observe instead of push away, push down, forget.....just observe....learn to say...."okay....yeah....I am frustrated, I am sad, I am angry, I am whatever I am".....acknowledge it, and then go from there. It's kind of like if we think if we pretend something isn't really isn't there....we think it really won't be but reality is there. So hey...acknowledge it...and then move forward.

On that same note...he gave me an analogy. He said one day...."what happens when there is a muddy, stinky puddle of water on the ground and we just throw a tarp over it to try to cover it up to make it appear as if it's not there?" To that I replied..."well, it gets gross, and green, and nastier under there."
Then he said...."What happens if you just let the puddle alone, and let it be where the sun can shine down on it?" And I said...."Eventually, it'll dry up and you'll never know it was there....there might be a small hint of it but it won't be such a muddy mess."

Lastly.....he told me a little story...and I might mess it up but you'll get the gist of it.

He said...Napoleon and his Generals were high on there horses riding up and down inspecting thousands of troops before a huge battle they were going to fight. It was very cold and conditions were bad and odds weren't favorable. They came to a man who was standing there shaking and crying but not out of formation. Napoleon stopped and got down off his horse and walked up to the man and spoke to him. Napoleon's other General could not hear the conversation but was irritated that it was holding up the march. He noticed Napoleon take his warm coat and wrap it around the man, pat his shoulders and then he left him climbed back on his horse and the march continued. The General could not stand it any longer and and finally asked what Napoleon had said to that "blithering coward". Napoleon answered him..."That is not a blithering coward. That is the bravest man I know. The bravest man I know is one who knows what his fears are yet continues to march forward in the face of them."

So I am trying to march...........................

Wonder why I post so much?

Because it's now like a journal....and once upon a time...I liked to this is the new "techno journal" and me likey!

Greediness Never Was Happiness.....

You know I have said all along this isn't about wanting to be a certain size or weight. I have really had to give myself a certain tsk...tsking lately because I sit around thinking in my head...."well if I have lost this much in this amount of time...then at that rate...if I can lose this much more by such and such date, and blah blah blah...." getting greedy. Okay...maybe not greedy but I need to be careful. Doing stuff like that is good and bad. It is good because it shows hope and motivation... It is bad because it sets me up for failure because losing at the rate I am is not normal and it's not going to is going to slow down eventually and that is okay....I need to remember that is what is good and healthy. A slow, steady weight loss is what is best for me and my goals.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Oh yeah, and one more thing....or two

About the power.

Another thing I was thinking about "power". While I was walking the day after Christmas....when I was pondering that right now....I am not diabetic...I do not have heart disease or high blood pressure and for that I am so lucky because being as overweight as I am...I easily could....

So I need to do something while I can...while I have the power to do it. If I waited until I have serious health conditions that have pushed me to a whole other level well I have given some of that power away and I don't want to do that. I do have high cholesterol but I am busting my butt to get that down and I believe I will. I am a POWER RANGER......arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(you have to have a sense of humor here!)

Oh yeah...and I got on the scale this morning and I have lost 20.4 pounds since the 1st of December and it's only the 27th. Nope, I am not starving myself...far from it. I eat and well....I just eat lots of lean turkey, chicken, very little red meat, lots of HIGH fiber foods, no sugar, lots of water, no soda, coffee, tea, alcohol, lots of fresh vegetables, fruits and dried beans (cooked of course) nuts, good oils, and I work out 6 days a week at the gym. I eat small snacks with a protein and veg or fruit in between meals to keep my metabolism going. No diet pills or anything like that....and I think fiber keeps me satisfied. No diet here....just changed how I cook and how we eat.




Nope, not doing it this time. I have spent my life doing half assed. I definitely am not one with half an ass! I am a full ass kind of girl....big giant one at that right now. Hopefully by the time I work my ass off in about a year I will be truly half assed but for now...nope! But....I am not doing this half assed.....not doing the dipping the toe in the water to test it out....I am a bowling ball dead center down the isle ready to make my strike! I am a linebacker...knocking all the little guys out of my way. I will do half ass about it....I will do this!

Someone asked me what my goal weight is. Well, my goal is to be no longer considered "medically overweight". How's that for an answer. So I have a huge mountain to climb but climbing is good for the ass...I mean gluts.....hahahahahahaha...I had to say that...(you know I had to)

I can be salty sometimes!

I was driving back from taking my daughter to the airport and it was just me and my thoughts. Dangerous...I know. My kids laugh at me sometimes...because I am such a big thinker.....

I thought for some who may read this...they may think I am a bit salty or turse in my chose of words...and for that I will just publicly apologize now and after that...well you've been warned and I just have to say get over it. So I will make this short and sweet and move on to my next post....and you'll get my saltiness....and for those who know me and love me...well you'll just say...yeah...that's Amy!

Friday, December 26, 2008

I am going to type fast because I need to get to bed but I have round my head. I am going to work on this blog. I am changing the stay tuned. I wanted to at least put words not paper but in space I suppose...internet space....some things that came to me today while I was walking. after Christmas I was power walking. I did my 45 minutes....I had to....I was thinking about "Power" and "Blame"....and how...I suppose in my life....I have given too much of that to other know? Okay...perhaps you don't...whoever "you" are...the invisible "you" are that might read this. What I mean is.....No one is to blame for why I am the way I am.....that gives people power and I realise that no one has any power over me. I have it all....yep....I have the's all inside change who I become who I want to be the sculpture. I am not giving anyone....not ANYONE in my past, present...future that kind of power in my's mine....yeah....I am finally life to direct....

The other observation I made was I was on this road and there was a sign at the end of it with an arrow that turn right. The sign let me know that there was a change ahead. I was starting to get was nearing the end of my walk and my heart rate was up and as I look toward the sign...I said to myself...well I can see that's not that far...the change is not that too far away....I'll push ahead....and wouldn't you I got up to the sign I realized that it was just a warning to me....that the sign was placed a little early in the road....I was going to have a go just a little further before the the big I had to push on. Some may think it's corney but I saw something in that arrow pointing to the right. My life right now is full of them and I have to keep my eye on them...because I am working so hard on making lots of big changes. My history has proven that I get really scared when I get close to the prize and I back up and start backing up. I am doing all I can to keep up the momentum and motivation. I am saving my life. I am one selfish lady! That's me!

That's all for tonight!