Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
As I sit here with a sleeping grandbaby in my one arm, I type with the other hand. While I was driving her Mom to work this morning I was thinking many things. One of them was "I could be out walking this early" but the other was how can I make sure this is permanent? I have been down the road of working my ass off to thin only to come to a dead stop and gain everything back. So how do I make sure this time is different? I have so much pain emotionally and I hate the hard work it takes to change. It feels as though fear, past hurt and emotions weigh as much as fat does. I walk up hills I would rather not but I have to. I'd just assume give up some days because it's hard but it is reflective of life. Some of those hills I trudge up literally and I want to stop, thumb a ride. LOL It doesn't work that way though. I have to get up it on my own. So I guess every time I walk I am climbing my own metaphor. Prayer is in my heart that I will keep fighting, and keep climbing. When those stop signs come and I know they will, I just have to look both ways and cross safely and keep moving. These little toes want a healthy Grandma. I want a healthy me and some freedom from a body that traps me emotionally and physically.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
I am also very excited to say that my sweetheart of a husband told me to go ahead and buy those shoes I have been eyeballin'. So come Tuesday, Mama will have a new pair of shoes. I sure hope they fit. I walked 4 miles today and I was wishing for some magic on my feet. I am not crazy enough to think that shoes will make this easier but a girl can hope, right?
Thursday, September 25, 2014
On another note, tonight I really pushed myself and walked further than I have in a long time. I did 5.32 miles and it really felt amazing. I was dragging the last bit but for the bulk of it my energy was all there and I was enjoying myself. I truly LOVE walking. Yes, there are days I have to push myself out the door but I love it once I am out there. Today was just extra great and knowing I was exceeding my usual made it all the better. I have also found that the music I listen to makes a difference. Junk music doesn't motivate me. I have a "Barlow Girl" station on my Pandora Radio that is Christian Rock and it just makes me feel better. It's a funny thing but while I loves me some Pitt Bull, the nasty stuff just does nothing for my thoughts when I am out walking and trying to clear my head, heart and soul.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Yesterday I didn't let a little rain hold me back. It felt amazing and rewarding in its own way. I live in an area where cold and wet are part of the climate so after a nice summer it appears the season has changed. I just have to plow through it. I need to find the right clothing and attitude and that will keep me warm and dry.
Happily I can say that I had to purchase smaller jeans this week. 2 sizes smaller. I still say I don't see it but my jeans and denim capris were about to fall off of me. That is a victory. Small steps in the right direction.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Today I went early on my walk. I decided to conquer the "Frog"as I call it or a 3 miler. It involves a long, climbing hill. I was proud of myself because I didn't stop walking. Big Accomplishment. It's hard not to stop, and I don't even think this is this is the mega hard stuff but for some reason as I am chugging up I slow down. Breaks don't help and they put off the inevitable. I just pushed through it and I am glad. I ate a banana today shortly before I left and I am wondering if that helped give me some extra energy along with it being earlier in the day. Maybe. I am just grateful it's done!
I am doing a 5K in December. I am really excited about it. I am walking it and will probably walk it slower than I normally do because I am going to keep pace with a very dear friend. She suffers from rheumatoid arthritis. I count my blessings because I have seen her struggle over the last two years but get better with treatment. She is so happy to be well enough to walk in this 5K. I can't imagine being as young as we are and starting to lose so much mobility in joints. She has told me about how terrible the pain is, even starting her car has been next to impossible at times. I got call one time with her in tears because she couldn't walk down the stairs because she was in so much pain and she didn't what to do. It really hits home how blessed I am. I am so proud of her and this 5K for me will be about sharing a nice long walk with someone who couldn't do that even a year ago for her RA was so bad. Now, she can.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Saturday, September 13, 2014
I was walking today and found myself really struggling. After 6 weeks you would think this would be getting easier but it isn't. It's hard and I have to push myself up and down the hills. I get really angry and upset. Seriously. When is this going to let up and get easier?
Last night I went on a long walk. I have been avoiding that walk because I haven't done it in a while and it involves a big hill but I was glad I did it. Now I know I have to go do it again and again. :) When I came to the hill, I just looked at the crest and headed for it. I didn't look down, just straight up where the light was at the crest and it moved me forward. I know I have so many hills to climb to get through this mess, not just one but too many to count. Things get stuck in my brain and I have to shake them out constantly. When I am walking sometimes I think I should be doing this or that too but I know I am still just getting started. I will get where I am going but can't get ahead of myself.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
So, this is a journey to health, not a journey to skinny. This is a journey to a better life for me and my family. It is hard, and it is work, crazy hard work and sometimes I don't want to do it. I don't want to eat, I don't want to figure out dinner for everybody, I don't want to walk…I just want some magic but it doesn't happen that way. That is why I pray for strength constantly because there no other power than that which I can be given by my Heavenly Father that will get me there. I have strayed completely from the religion of my youth, but I don't flounder in my faith in God and my belief in Christ. I have unwavering faith in the power of prayer. When I walk, sometimes depending on what is going on…my walk can be nothing but a long prayer in progress. I know that is what is going to get me there. So that is where I am at today. I am going to shoot for 10 pound increments per month or 5 at least and that would make me happy. I say that but I think I would be disappointed if it wasn't 10. However I know 5 would be really the healthier thing for me. I just have to see what happens. A big obstacle for me right now is also drinking enough water because I have an incredibly weak bladder and if I drink too much water than I can't go for a walk in the evening. Last thing I want is to get caught ditching behind a tree to pee. I never would but that is what it feels like I need to do sometimes. Ha!Ha! No portopotties on my trails.
Monday, September 8, 2014
I am posting a pic from today. I took it for a friend of mine at her insistence. I am not smiling and my hair isn't brushed but it's me. I personally don't see the difference yet. I feel a slight difference but I know things are changing. At least the scale is saying so.