Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Recently a friend Facebooked me and told me she was reading my blog again. How cool is that. Hi Friend! :) I took my little guy to the zoo yesterday and counted that as my walk. I think I could have probably clocked off another couple of miles last night but I was beat. It was hot here. I am really trying to get in to this good habit of walking daily before the rainy/cold season comes. Fortunately, my gift for Christmas this past year was some amazing Brooks tennis shoes with the waterproof liner in them. I am just now breaking them in. I switch shoes around a lot. My feet hopefully slim down a little because they are so wide and I need a little room. I am not miserable but a little room would be sweet. I was talking to my sweetheart the other night that I have a little goal or it's a big goal but it will probably happen next summer. When I get there my "REWARD" is I want to go on a date with him kayaking. I want to go and enjoy it and be healthy and fit enough to not go three rows and be done. I also don't want to be so squished in a kayak that if it rolls I can't pop my fat ass out of it. So that is one of my goals...outdoor date with my sweetheart, kayaking. It's gonna be awesome. Yesterday when I was out, I was faced with "food choices" so at breakfast I simply asked for a scrambled egg white and one piece of wheat toast with no butter. That worked great. I did have a cone at the zoo but not giving myself heck for that. It was hot and I figure it is that non dairy nonsence I am sure it was walked off. On the way home we stopped at Red Robin and I got a Cobb Salad with grilled chicken and a vinagrette on the side. I really just picked through it. I touched my fork in the dressing a couple of times but was pretty careful about what and how I ate. At the end of the day...I felt pretty guiltless but happy I spent time with my son and a good friend and her daughter. Fun times. One thing I have to work on is increasing the water but "tiny bladder" causes issues so that is a balancing act especially when it gets closer to the evening. I have yet to pee behind a tree but don't think I have considered it. I am just frustrated because I keep waiting to feel different. Thinner, clothes looser, something. Is my face thinner, are my arms thinner? Anything? I know I need to stop this because I am making really good choices and decisions but it's hard because those are motivators. I just have to keep reminding myself that part of why I am walking more is largely mental...it's a clearing house time for me. Sacred space all my own to leave my thoughts on the road, and pray and purge and de-stress. No matter what I feel better. I am doing more, moving more and my energy level has improved tremendously. I know things will change physically and I just need to be patient. Walking up those hills that are so hard I sometimes tell myself outloud...."Don't quit right now when it's hard. When it's hard is when it's doing the most good". I know that is true. All the things in my life that I learned the most from happened during the hardest times of my life. I just kick myself still for giving up on me when I was doing so well and had accomplished so much and now and I have to do all this crap all over again and it feels so much harder. Ugg.... My biggest prayer is that I learn from my mistakes this time and go slow, and understand what is going on with me. I don't want to stand in front of a mirror and not recognise that person, freak out and stop everything. I don't want to be frustrated by peoples attention at changes I make. I just want to get used to being me, whomever ME, is.

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