It has been so very long....

I was kind of stunned when I came here only to see how long it has been since my last post. I guess the reality is that I have been struggling THAT long or longer to get myself in a good space. When I get stuck in the mire, my desire to blog just falls away. Still hanging on by a thread but I have fallen to the wayside with all my good choices, exercise, etc. I feel every single pound I have gained as a result. My 12's are T.I.G.H.T. and food has been used as a great comforter but unfortunately the results are not comforting. So I have been trying to figure out what in the world I can do to shake myself out of the funk I have been in lately. I decided I need a reset and while I usually don't like diets, and don't subscribe to them as a rule...Tuesday, Sept. 15th I am going on one...for 30 days. Whole30 is going to be my life for 30 days. I have to make some commitments to myself to make it work. One of the things I am going to do and it may get mundane for 30 days but I am going to blog with either photos or just a description of my 3 meals a day AND I am going to include a dialog on how I feel. My other commitment is to walk when I can...find a way to get out more. I HATE that I have lost that lately and I have to take it back. I have excuses but honestly....those aren't going to make me feel any better or honestly explain it away. I just have to do what I can...My confidence has plummeted and I feel constantly overwhelmed and it is almost as if I am stuck in quick sand. My hope is that completely turning how I eat on it's ear and making a commitment to 30 days that I will feel better. In a way it is as though I will have a mission (not impossible) for a month and I can concentrate on all the work that will go in to it. Whole30 is a way of eating that removes so many of the common foods I eat and replaces them with pure, healthy protein, vegetables, fruits and healthy fats. It will mean that on days when I am not babysitting that part of my time will be spend preparing food for the week. It will be an exercise in disconnecting myself from using food as a way of feeding the depression monster when I am triggered. I hope more than anything the cloudy, fog brain and lack of motivation I have been experiencing will go away because I physically feel better. Yes, I hope to shed some of the pounds I have gained and put myself back in a safe zone but it is the switch I hope will get me rolling again. So for those that catch up on my blog...fair warning about the next 30 days to come because there will be a lot of posts and they may or may not be all that interesting. Of course I never know what is interesting about this struggle...but I constantly see and hear things I can relate to and know I am not alone.