Friday, January 9, 2009


So I am finding myself in the "bad place" where I require lots of self talk. Not about I am tempted by food or anything because suprisingly...I have no desire to break from my routines with eating well or exercising. I just find myself being hard on my body in my head. I have been down this road I know the drill and here it goes...and the ever familiar march....
I wonder how I could explain it. I am sure I am smaller....but my head or my eyes don't want to see that. Instead...I look in the mirror and think "I should be smaller than this" or run my hands over my body and think...."It's just not good enough yet". I know that is nuts....not right and everything else but it comes with fight. This is where I have given up before because this is where it gets so sticky. So I am going to do as I was told by "Arty" to do....just be aware of those feelings...and instead of trying to ignore, push away...think it's wrong for me to have them, try to change them....ACKNOWLEDGE them and then move along. How old am I? I am almost 43? I have probably not been thinking quite right for a long time so that is not going to change over night. I have also been overweight for a long time and my body is not going to change over night....neither is my perception of it.

So I keep on going....and going and going. They are not all "UP" days. Fiber isn't yummy every day...hahahahaha.

I stared down that eliptical last night and I beat it for 15 minutes! I was proud of myself. I hear folks say how much they like it...Personally I don't get it but that's okay. Anyway...they other day I did 10 minutes on it and then my 40 on the Treadmill but last night I did 15 minutes and then my Treadmill. Before you know it I'll be one of those sweating like a pig maniacs on it like my husband....hahahahahaha. (love you honey!) No, seriously, that was an accomplishment for me....little by little.

Alright...gotta a house to clean...which never gets stays in this state of suspension of a big mess no matter what I do....Why did we get such a big house? Uhggggg!


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