Friday, February 13, 2009

Yesterday just felt plain weird!

So I went to get my MRI and Ultrasound. I have to say that I was NOT at all worried about it. Not the least wound up. I get there and they have me get on the table for the MRI and the guy covers me in a blanket and then puts my head in this "cage". Once my head is sort of locked in place where it won't move he tells me it won't take long about 20 minutes...and then shoot me back in the "tube" and I get in there with my eyes closed...and I get to thinking...and thinking...and thinking...20 minutes...20 minutes...20 minutes.."that's...a long time." ...."I know what 20 minutes can feel on the treadmill when your really tired and want to quit"...."I wonder what it looks like in here?"..."Don't open your eyes...but I want to open my eyes...but don't open your eyes" and then I did it! I freaked out..."I can't do this! Get me out!" I don't think I was in there 1 minute... I wanted to ball like a baby! I felt so stupid. I could just feel the anxiety in me mounting. My day felt screwed from there and all out of whack! I forgot things...missed other appointments...just was a mess and never got on track. Last night Kent and I went to the gym and I needed that. I was tired and didn't feel like going but as always was glad I did because it always helps me focus. I also love watching him in front of me on the treadmill.

So tomorrow I will try again with the MRI. This time I will have a "happy pill" to help me stay calm. I am also taking a mask...the type you use for sleep. Perhaps I will spray it down with my lavender/chamomile spray. Kent has to drive me there and bring me home. Hopefully the pill will do the trick and I can get in and out of there without incident. Thank goodness I had no problems with the ultrasound and the results were normal.

45 pounds today. Yippee!

Tomorrow if Valentines. I went today and got the kids their Valentines and got Kent a card and some candy the other day. I told him just to write me a note. I don't need candy or flowers and don't want him to feel like I expect that because I don't. I love nothing more than his own words from the heart so that is what I hope I get for the big V-Day. I'll keep you posted!

No comments: