Monday, February 2, 2009


Kelley and I were talking recently about a building she visited that she had been to since she was a little girl. She talked about how huge it seemed when she was little but how now it seemed so much smaller. I feel that same type of perspective when I look at my old clothes. I had shirts that used to look small because frankly they fit small but now they fit now they look big. Then I hold up my old pants...(which are in a bag on their way to Goodwill) and I think "GOOD GRIEF...those are GIGANTIC!" and I can't believe I wore such a big pair of pants but I didn't see it...I mean I knew they were big...but I did not perceive them to be as big as they actually were.... and now I do. I took Katie to get a cell phone the other day and we were in Target and I was looking at pants and I was in the "regular" section and I told her that it is so nice now that I can look on the regular racks ...I am still looking at the tale end of the highest size on the regular racks but's the regular section all the same.

I had some other thoughts of them is....I hope that my dear friends or family don't ever mistake the things I say or perceive about myself to be my thoughts or perceptions of them because they are completely different things....If you remember the title of my blog...this is my selfish it's all about me. I love my family, my friends........and though I want all of you to find health and happiness.....I do not look upon you with scrutiny and judgement like I do myself...NOT AT ALL. So just make sure you are 100% you know that. This blog is about ME! And the random brags or rants I may make about my kids or hubby!

Once again someone asked me how I keep on doing this. I can't write down the deeply personal, painful and even embarrassing "come to Jesus" reasons but lets just say there have been enough that I am just "there". I shared some of them with one of my dear friends and if you have ever walked in these shoes you just "get it." I will say there is just no way that I, or anyone else should say..."this is's okay to be this way". That's wrong....There is no excuse...absolutely no excuse. I am pointing that finger at myself... Why would anyone think it's okay to kill oneself...because that is what obesity is...a slow death.. It has been sucking the life out of me....taking my energy....taking my will power....taking my desire...taking my esteem....
Maybe I should turn that around and I should say I have been giving it my will power, giving it my esteem, letting it have my energy, letting it take away my desire. I say that because this has been something I have done to myself...not something that has been done to me. I am the captain of this ship! So again...I is NOT okay to be the way I was....I am changed... I made a choice...I am in charge.... and that is how I keep doing what I do. I choose life...I choose to be different....I choose to be a better person, a better wife, mother, person. I am choosing to get off my ASS and quit making excuses for why I don't do something about my weight! There is no excuse anymore.

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