Do you ever wish you could help someone get it?

I wish I could. I really do. I cannot say that I am there. I am a work in progress. I was talking to someone I love the other day and well, just wanted to seriously smack them. If they read this and I don't know if they do, forgive me. I could be the one sitting in the chair facing me if that makes any sense. I could be the one I am talking about though I am not. I am the one I used to talk about. I am the one who used to make one excuse after another as to why I would not change....but then there comes this point and I suppose everyone has to find the POINT all on there own but it's hard when you see the ones you love and care about. I am thankful I love and care about myself now. One can either wait until it's too late and you can't take it back....and your gone forever and your family is left to wonder why food and sitting around was more important that making an effort for them OR....you can wake up....put your feet on the floor and say....TODAY is going to be different than yesterday was. It may not be the day I do an hour on the treadmill or eat 1,400 calories but TODAY I am going to make choices that are steps in the right direction. Do any of us really realise how important WE are? Time to be selfish! I am so happy that I am finally starting to see things in me I honestly like. FINALLY! Wow! Where was this person years ago? I like looking in the mirror even and I go WOW, look at me. I am changing! I can't get over how much I am changing. Now I wish my stomach was NOT the same size as my ASS but hey, give me time! hahahahaha. At least the back side of me is MUCH smaller.

I am not brave enough to write some of the deeply personal things that have taken place in my life that have humiliated me to this point though. Being fat is miserable. There is that word.. F.A.T.but it is awful and there are physical things that occur that are just embarrassing and NOT okay. I see other people and I am not judging them but I know what they are going through because I have walked a couple of miles in those shoes....I know how hard it is. I can't imagine for those larger than I have been. We all have to start somewhere. I keep telling myself that when I don't feel like going....So I AM THE BUNNY THAT KEEPS ON GOING!

44.2 today.....

I hope 50 by the time I go on my trip to Cali on the 26th...that'll be a nice number to take on my vacation. Yep, going on a vacation to visit some friends...just me, myself and I! I am taking an extra suitcase so I can go to my favorite stores and buy lots of high fiber cereal and junk like that. I know...weirdo here! Hey, it's California! They have great healthy stuff there! My favorite stores are there, like Trader Joes! I miss TJ's!