Thursday, April 16, 2009

and more thoughts....while pushing a mop

Now I know why I don't like to clean...it leads to thinking....

I think I know why I am a bit overwhelmed...I find that I look at myself now and ask "what have I done and I why did I do it?" Then I realise that I don't have the body of a 19 year old...I waited too late. I mean....it's not too late...I just mean...I'll never have what I could have had. I'll have something different but my skin is different now...my boobs hang low...LOL (nobody sing that stupid song) Today for some reason I am just angry at myself. It's kinda like taking a piece of paper and wadding it up....no matter how hard you try to smooth it....it'll never be like it was. It just feels like letting myself get the way I was...sorta wrecked my body. Ugh.... Could it be that I know I am getting older...and I see it in my body and losing all this weight doesn't help what gravity does on it's own anyway?

Self defeating....I know, I know...I know...BUT THIS IS THE REALITY OF WHAT THIS NIGHTMARE CAN BE.....It's not up all the time....I have my down in the bogs some days....and today is one of them. Later when my hubs comes home and we go for a walk, feed the ducks with Justin....hopefully I'll feel better....in the meantime...back to my mop and my thoughts...ugh...

2 comments:

Teri said...

Oh hon, please stop beating yourself up. You're doing an incredible job. You look amazing! And your hubby thinks you're HOT!

Kelly's Ideas said...

I hear your pain... But thankfully there are so many worth while things out there besides ourselves...if that were not the case..I would have my head in the sand daily... Oh by the way, you are beautiful...Get happy and stay happy!
Kelly