Almost Had A Meltdown

Something is wrong. I don't know what it is...but it's something and I don't like it. I gave in and went to the Dr. yesterday. I am sick of being tired and dizzy. As well as I eat, and the exercise that I get...I should feel on top of the world but I don't...and that sucks. Then a week ago I start this thyroid medicine...and "supposedly" that is going to do nothing more than replace something my body isn't making enough of on it's own. I have people tell me that I should lose even more weight taking it. Here I am doing exactly what I have been doing for how many months???? And I get on the scale and my weight is up 3.5 pounds. 3.5 freaking pounds.... Do you want to talk about hyperventilating? If I have been eating cheeseburgers, sugar...not exercising....screwing around...okay but NOPE, haven't been doing that. I had to stop myself before the flood of tears just came...because they were coming....and say NO....I am not going to let myself do this. I knew when I got below 200 pounds that the last 40 pounds or so were going to be the fight of my life. I knew it was going to be really hard. I just didn't think it was going to feel like digging a hole in the sand on the beach where the darn water keeps coming and filling the hole back in just as soon as I am close to being done....but what do I do? I reach down and I keep digging harder...and eventually I'll make it....the tide changes eventually and I'll win. So whatever it is that is going on right now won't last...and I am NOT going to let this swallow me...because it easily could. I see I am smaller, I feel smaller, I look smaller...I don't know where I am hiding 3.5 pounds on me but whatever....I'll go to the gym and take it out on the treadmill and add 3.5 pounds plus to my weights and throw that around for a while.

The Dr. has ordered a 1 1/2 page list of blood tests to be done tomorrow. I think I might as well give them a pint. I am thankful she is as pro-active as she is. She is covering EVERYTHING. I will also have a thyroid ultrasound tomorrow, a chest x-ray, and a carotid artery Doppler done. She did an EKG in her office. THEN, I get to go back to the cardiologist for a full work up, and to a neurologist....yay me! Hopefully they can figure it out....and it is something like I am hypoglycemic and something simple like that...or low iron.

While driving today alone after dropping off the eldest at school...my mind was just wandering. I was just thinking how lucky I am. Some songs come on the radio that take me back and remind me to the days when I first my sweetheart. He is more than "just a guy"....with a heart bigger than the ocean. He has loved me unconditionally from the get go and put up with you name it....and we have grown together. I honestly look forward to those days in the future with him... our wrinkled hands, and slow steps....with so many experiences behind us. I know he and I will curl up together at night and remember this or that and feel so satisfied. He is my hero...my rock...my support...my best friend. I am truly "just a girl" who was given a gift when the Lord sent him to me.