Yesterday I ran half way around this huge ditch we have in our subdivision. I can't think of how far it was but it was a good ways. It was the the longest I have run. At first I was thinking I would run to one group of trees, then I pushed myself to go further, then further and so on...then I decided to run to the bridge...I thought I would stop at the bridge but for some reason...it was just symbolic that I cross the bridge. I needed to cross the bridge before I stopped even though it was getting really hard. I did it. I was so emotional by the time I stopped that I was in tears. All I could say was..."I am not a fat girl any more...I can do this". I can do this...I can do anything. I know now that I am capable of accomplishing anything if I have enough faith in myself. This journey that I am on has had a small bit to do with diet and exercise and a HUGE bit to do with digging down in my heart and head and figuring out ME. That is what has made this work....I have not given up on me....I finally have learned to not let all the little things that pushed me to make stupid choices that let me to be a really "fat" girl make those choices again....The emotional eating has been replaced by exercise and yep, blogging...and FACEBOOK...hahahahaha and things that are not negative. No more self destruction. Seriously...life is too short for that and I lead by example....and I want to teach my children to be strong and make good choices. Sunday is Mother's Day and of course I think it is a rather silly "Hallmark" day as we should celebrate our Mother's all the time. I think less about how I should be honored as a Mother and more about the tremendous gratitude I feel to be a mother. My house is littered with dirty clothes and toys, hands out for money for this or that, notes from school, runny noses, taxi service here there and every where, etc....it's trying to figure out meals that are creative with picky palates, and buying clothes only to have them too small just a few short months later and then doing it all over again....It is never feeling like you can keep up. I wish I could stand in the face of time and yell STOP! I wish my teens weren't too cool to be hugged sometimes. (they aren't all the time...just depends on the moods...you know those moods!) I wish I didn't have to face that fact that my baby who is no longer a baby but my eldest will walk across the stage next year to graduate and then off to college she goes. I see my son's voice sinking deeper in to the depths of young manhood as he begs for good smelling cologne and talks of looking nice and girls.
Each one of them changes every day and I can't stop it....I want to and I don't want to.....I love them....and I am just beyond words. I love them so much and so honored to be their mother. I am so proud of them. I think they are the greatest kids in the world...they are not perfect...they are kids...they do what kids do...messy rooms, using the phone too much, not cleaning up after themselves....they do what kids do best....and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I thank them for making me a Mother. I think having them has been one of the most difficult and magical experiences of my life. I hope and pray constantly that at the end of it all they can stand back and say I was a pretty good Mom who did the best she could. I know I certainly couldn't love them more....they have my heart...that is for sure. Kelley, Katie, Logan and Justin....Thank you.
I am grateful to my Mother and I love her very much. Without her and all she has done for me throughout my life, I would not be the person I am now....I owe her so much.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Mother's Day weekend.
Selfish Lady sends....
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