Friday, August 28, 2009

By Jove, I think I "Got IT"

Ever wonder who "Jove" is? Nah, me either. I never wondered until right now when I typed that. So are you wondering what I got? Do you wonder what "IT" is? hee!hee! Today before I left the house I stretched, made sure that I had my shoes tied "just right", I had my lite breakfast,and drank the appropriate amount of fluids. I was on a mission to attempt to run some. I felt blessed that we had tremendous cloud cover and it was the "sky is going to dump any moment type" but I went anyway. I figured if there was no thunder or lightening...a rain shower would feel wonderful and it was cool outside. I was walking and doing a bit of running between "landmarks" and it was freakin' hard. My shins hurt but not THAT bad and I was trying so hard to tell myself not to stop. For those know me or have read my blog are aware I have giant wheels in my head that just spin like crazy when I am out in the wild blue yonder walking. I was trying to figure out what in the world...scratch that, I was thinking "what in the hell", no actually I was thinking something else but I don't verbalize my "tattoo sailor" talk that goes on in my head. (I try not to anyway) Okay, back to what I was saying. WHAT IS IT? What in the world is IT that is stopping me? I started talking out loud. Yes, cooky me is talking to herself out loud. It dawned on me. I am a shadow of my former self...literally a shadow. So it's not that physically I am incapable of this. YES, I need the right shoes, I have decided that because the ones I got that I thought would be good are not! However...wheels kept spinning and then I started thinking about how I have spent my entire life telling myself that I am NOT an athelete. I am not a jogger, I am not a tennis player, a softball player, a swimmer, a volleyball player, a basketball player, etc, etc, etc. I have told myself forever that I AM NOT ATHLETIC and convinced myself that I am incapable of doing anything that challenges my athletic abilities. This whole thing goes against what I have told ME I could ever do. I am NOT supposed to be able to do this. That is what IT is. Which is utter garbage...again...look at me? NOT YOU LOOK AT ME! ME!LOOK AT ME! If I can do what I have done...then I can do anything. I just have to learn how to do it right.

You know those moments when a storm is coming and you stand outside waiting? Right before the big rain comes the wind picks up. I have been in storms where the wind has been so strong that it literally almost swept me off my feet and pushed me forward. I think I have been waiting for my "storm" to come and waiting for that wind. I am starting to realise that I need to go ahead on my own and believe in myself and run along ahead and the "wind" I will feel that is going to wrap around me and help push me along won't be from a storm. It's going to be from personal pride and satisfaction and knowledge that I finally got it and busted down that wall of "I AM NOT", because frankly I AM.

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