Monday, August 17, 2009

Like a boxer, back to my corner....

I need someone to ring the bell and send me back to the corner. Please shove my head in a bucket of ice, and rub my shoulders and remind me that I can do this...then cram that mouth piece back in my mouth and send me back in the ring so I can come out swinging....I need this to be a knock out!

I swear...the demons...the darkness....the "mist"....whatever it is...that lurks out there sometimes....I hate it! DO NOT THINK FOR ONE MOMENT THIS IS EVER EASY FOR ME! It is outrageously hard. It is hard each and every day and I go up and down like a roller coaster of emotion. There are days I am so proud, to just fleeting moments. Today I tried on 5 different pair of size 10 shorts/jeans! I don't know if I have ever worn size 10 anything! That is like the ultimate dream size for me! They all fit! Then night fall comes and I feel like I could just come apart because I am not "perfect"...look at all this hanging skin, my hair is falling out, and there are things on me that I just can't fix. I am so freaking lonely...I have NO friends here...NONE! I have lived here over a year and I have no one...and it sucks. I have my children and my best friend who is my husband and I love him madly but he's not a chick and sometimes...a girl needs a "girl friend". I just feel....GRRRRRRRRRRRR, right now and don't like it! I am entitled! Perhaps I just need a good cry....


AnnaRose said...

Hi Amy!

I discovered your posts at Biggest Loser. I am a female runner in Texas but I can't say more here due to an Internet Stalker that even found out my work phone number and started calling me!

It would be cool to meet you for a run someday. I haven't done a Half yet but I've been doing shorter runs for a lot of years now. I've read that doing longer distances in Houston is a great place to start due to flatness. I think the Half in Tyler or the Half in Huntsville would be nice.

On your funky mood: Sometimes perfect eating with great blood sugar control leads to depletion of serotonin in the brain. For restoration of serotonin during sleep, there needs to be a particular amino acid circulating in the blood along with a decent insulin spike. The website of the woman who popularized this physiology is here:

I work hard at blood sugar control but when I find myself getting in a funk, I do the insulin spike thing described by Dr. DesMaisons plus I take 400 mg SAM-E and one tablet of St. John's Wort first thing in the morning. The funk sneaks up on me and I don't realize how bad it is until I've taken these two supplements for a day or two and get back to normal. (For readers who are under 40: You do not need SAM-E. It is a naturally existing chemical in our bodies that declines with age.) If you do try the two supplements, don't take the recommended second dose of St. John's Wort (breakfast dose and lunch dose) or you might not be able to sleep at night. I have tried taking 5HTP instead of doing the Dr. D's potato trick, but it gives me a serious headache - - - which of course means that it's working.

I post on the Biggest Loser forum as AnnaRose, but that is not my real name. I can tell you my real name only via email if you are interested in becoming workout buddies.

MyThoughtsExactly said...

Hey Anna, you can email me through if you'd like. I am still not a runner....just a super long "walker". I am hoping when it gets cooler the running will pick up.