R2D15 or 45 Days down...

And it is getting rough....and I am really going to have to get creative when I hit day 60 because I am finding I am so bored. I am just eating to meet my nutritional needs and nothing is exciting or tastes good. I definitely think I am going to move in another direction when I have met my goal and completed this round. I am going to really explore the paleo diet and see if that will open up some more opportunities to try some different techniques and recipes using ingredients prohibited now. (not sugar) Any....just checkin' in.

R2D10 -40 days now and going strong.

I meant to blog more this round but I have been busy since I have lots of free time without the grand baby to keep me running. I have been taking advantage of the opportunity to get lots of walks in and catch up on housework and working on some quilting that I am attempting. I don't know if during a second round if one is susceptible to the carb flu but the last couple of days I have been a little sluggish and throwing together quick meals for myself. They have been compliant but not the nice, full and fancy meals I have done in the past because I think I have been tired and bored. Last night I decided I really needed to overcome that and get in the kitchen and do some food prep so I could make some better meals for myself. I roasted sweet potatoes and some rainbow carrots. I pressure cooked a spaghetti squash and then pressure cooked a bag of kale with some prosciutto. I crisped up some prosciutto and I cooked a pan of mushrooms and mixed peppers in ghee. I also made some mayo. It was so satisfying putting away these neat containers in the fridge knowing that I can grab what I need and mix with a protein for an excellent meal or get creative and make a yummy soup. I love the glass snap containers I bought from Costco. Someone suggested them on a group I am on and I am so happy I bought them. I bought two boxes and just have one set I am using and have one set unopened in the basement. When we move I will probably open the other set and part with a bunch of the plastic containers we use. On another thought we have been working with my son who is 9 who has been struggling for a while with melt downs and his "overwhelms" I call it. His diet has been so carb dense and sugar rich and I told my husband that we really needed to put the brakes on it and push him to have more outside time. My son fortunately is so smart and I approached him for the science behind fueling our bodies and how it can affect our emotions. He has been so open to eating more fruits and vegetables and has been a milk monster. I know it is not a perfect plan but the sugar from soda and other junk he was eating in the just the few days we have been doing this has dropped to almost nothing and he is requesting fruit, and carrots and broccoli for snacks and we are using the hot air popper for real popcorn rather than the microwave type. He is really digging that. We have also been going outside and spending time together either going on a quick walk, raking leaves, swinging...whatever...just being together outside rather than on an electronic device for a while. His demeanor has changed considerably. It's  nice. There is a long road to go as we need to work on meals and protein and what we are going to do to make his lunches  more suitable but baby steps in a positive direction. I will take what I can get. The other thing that is just on my mind this morning is something someone said today on one of my FB groups for Whole30. She mentioned that her biggest victory was breaking the urge to weigh herself and that she hadn't gotten on a scale since February of last year. That really made me think about the fact that I truly do judge myself by a number and I always have. I let what that number say on that scale determine how I feel about myself and if I am being successful or not. I have stopped to think that maybe I should consider the barometer of what I feel about myself should be just that....HOW DO I FEEL? Not what number is on the scale? How much weight have I lost? What size am I? Can I focus more on disconnecting from numbers? Would it be possible for me to attempt to really take a time out from the number on the scale, and focus on my real feelings and tune in to that? I have NEVER done that before....what would it be like to not judge myself by that number and let it determine my worth....this is a journey....years and years in the making. It took years to get me here...and will take such to undo the negative and rewire my brain. I know I can do it. I have one thing going for me and that is heart and determination and will power. The jist of all this jabber is I am going to make a commitment to me to try to give up weighing myself for a while beyond this Whole30 program. This round ends on the 13th of November and I was all set to find out how I did on the 14th but my first step will be leaping over that date and moving forward without checking my weight. I want to just go by how I feel and move ahead. I haven't decided if I will do a round 3 but I tend to think I may do that though unsure. I know at some point I will try to add in some things so that I can have some flexibility when I travel to Texas in February for my Dad's birthday and my birthday. I don't plan on splurging with my eating but I don't want to be so limited that I might have to eat something out and then end up sick. That is one of my fears. If my body has some acclimation to a few things perhaps that trip will go smoother. Sugar will NOT be something I add back. I have decided to live a sugar free life. Moving along...it's a Saturday and plenty to do today including a nice long walk.

R2D5

I didn't start out having a plan...I just shot right in to another round and I wasn't counting the days but then I found myself craving and feeling weird. It was as if because I hadn't established myself in a round technically I wasn't sure where I was. I remedied that and secured my perimeters. Having some idea of where I am and where I am headed gives me boundaries and I need those. It gives me goals and something to reach for. My goal right now is to make it another 30 days. Yesterday I printed off a blank table and in my weird manic brain way filled it out to reflect this 30 days with the dates. I put it on the refrigerator so that I can cross off each day and give myself a visual of where I am at so I don't get lost. The last round I was on FB every day taking pictures of my meals and recording that so I knew exactly where I was but I am not doing that this round. I am eating compliant and staying Whole30 and plugging away with life. That is how I am going to have to do this. I know in my heart eventually I will have to find some sort of way to blend this lifestyle with another so I can make sure I am able to get by in certain circumstances without getting sick or packing on weight. That is a ways off and I can do that slowly and thoughtfully. I think moving is on is my mind and that cross country trip and staying with family for days at a time, etc. I have visions of carrying with me a cooler cross country with "my food" to help me eat better. Who knows...might work out anyway because the dog  can't go in restuarants and I am not leaving her in the hot car so she and I can stay and eat together. :) I need to be careful...I can already feel myself overwhelming with issues that are really so far ahead of me that I need not be worrying with them right now. I need to plant my feet firmly on today and just take it one step at a time. It stinks to be such a planner. It also stinks to be so emotional right now over the huge loss that I already feel in my heart because once I move I will be so far away from my grandbaby. I know this is life and I also know that it is really what it is best for certain reasons but she is the moon and the stars to me and I have been in her life since the moment she took her first breath. She lives with me, she is here with me all the time from the wee hours of the early morning to sunset. Yes, I get overwhelmed and run ragged but my love is never is less. I don't look forward to that day I have to say "Mamaw will see you later PiPi". I got to stop...too much....
Lots to do today. I am not walking today I am taking a break for this Monday. I have walked so much over the last week. I got a new pair of shoes that cost too much on Sunday after I discovered that my other expensive shoes had caused me to lose yet another toenail. Those shoes had some issue, causing blisters, toenail loss, etc. I went and got fitted and chose a different brand all together so I hope I have better luck. On to house cleaning and dropping stuff off and picking things up! (scored a pair of free overalls from a free site I belong to on FB! Yay!) This energy is good stuff to have! I am loving it!

Today is Day #32...but actually I am not really counting...sorta....

I didn't post yesterday. I guess I should have but in a small way I wanted it to feel like a regular day. Regular day for me in my new way of living a healthier life you might say. They only thing that was different was because it was my Day #31 I got on the scale to see the results of living the Whole30 program and I was pleased at the loss of 9 pounds. I actually think I am suprised but I'll take it. I didn't expect more...perhaps less. My grandbaby went with other Grandparents for a couple weeks on Wednesday and so that allowed me yesterday to take a really nice long 5 mile walk and then get a ton of stuff done around the house. This morning I dropped the car off at the shop, and walk home but took a huge detour and got another 7 mile walk in. I need to plan my weekend so I can prep food for the week, shop and take advantage of the opportunity to be free to get some things done around the house that I normally can't. I even started on the pillow shams to match the quilt my Mom made for me for my birthday which isn't until February but she gave it to me early. I feel really good. This morning I had a great breakfast of fried eggs, on zuccini and sweet potato fritters and a banana with coconut cream in my coffee. It got me 7 miles. :) While I was walking I was thinking about a small shift I know that I will probably need to make in the Spring when we get closer to our big cross country move. It is nice to take that time while walking to think about clever ways I can eat healthy and clean while traveling and staying hotels, and with family for a short time. I may need to add some things in a reintro just so I have a few options AND so I don't get sick if I don't have any choices and try something while traveling. We'll see. Just starting to think ahead. My brain is already in move mode.

Day #30....I made it!

I am tired and I am ready for bed but I couldn't let this day slip away with saying......I DID IT!!!!!!!! Okay, now that I have shouted that from the rooftops I can calm down. I am stoked, happy and so proud! This was a real test of my will power. It was NOT easy by any stretch but I feel so amazing and I am ready for day 31. Yes...tomorrow will be like today with one exception....a step on the scale. I am giving myself that. For now I am not ready for a reintroduction phase so I am not planning that yet. Okay...off to bed for me.

4 meals to go...literally....that close...

I am not even counting days now...well, it is tomorrow. Day 30 that is. I am counting MEALS! 4 more to go and I have reached that goal I set out for myself and I am so stoked. How do I feel? Totally amazing? Why no pictures of my food? Because that was a pain in the ass to do. They are on my FB wall that is enough. Having to upload them from my phone and then editing them on my laptop was a pain so I gave up on that. I have just one tiny problem and I wouldn't say it is a problem per se but it is just that I haven't decided what DAY 31 has in store for me...with one exception. NO PICTURES OF MY PLATES OF FOOD! I think I and perhaps I should change the "I think" to "I will" write down in a notebook what I eat for accountability purposes but other than that I am not doing anymore photo diary of my meals. I may take a shot here or there if something looks amazing but that is it. What is the sum total of my thoughts on this whole30 program...well, it has shown me that I don't need to cling to food. Food is food. Food is for nutrition and to sustain us but not to fuel our emotions, feed our feelings, punish ourselves, build up walls and make ourselves dependent. I can live without things I didn't realize I could really go without and be happy....OMG....sugar...even fake sugar....I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU....and I am okay. My coffee is A-okay with out you. Bread...crackers...chips....crappy processed food made by machines and filled with junk....I can survive without YOU too....and live without stuffing your wrappers under the seat of my car or hiding you at the bottom of the trash so no one will ever know I snuck and ate you while I had a few minutes alone to myself. Fast food...YOUR NOT FOOD! I can't believe at one point in my life I was 14 pounds away from 300. That is frightening to type. Sad to say that I was strong enough to lose so much weight and find freedom and then gain it all back because I was still so addicted to FOOD. So here I am now....I have been working hard for well over a year and on the day I started my Whole 30 from my heighest weight I was down 87 pounds. I don't know what they scale will show on Thursday on Day 31. I don't feel fiercly thinner since I started this. Do I hope I have lost some...heck yeah. I do...I hope I am trending down and have lost some of that I gained back. BUT.....the bigger thing is that I HAVE DONE IT! I have gone 30 days and followed the plan. I have eaten whole, healthy, amazing meals and for this moment...Day 31 will probably be much like Day 30 and Day 29 and so forth. I am not ready to reintroduce anything yet. I am not there. My brain is not ready to let go and if I need longer then I need longer. I am proud of me...I feel better, I look better, I have more energy and I can go and do things that I couldn't do at 286 pounds that's for sure. I hated the shame I felt...I don't want that anymore....ever, ever, ever again. I control this. I CONTROL THIS! SELFISH LADY!

Day #22...sorry I missed a few but I am still with it...

I thought I would be on here every day but this takes a lot of work and once my sweet grand baby came back things for me came to a screeching halt with regards to having time to sit and blog. I have a moment this morning while she is still sleeping so I am taking advantage. I can't believe I am on day #22. I feel better today but day #19,#20 and #21 I was really feeling tired and not in the mood to eat as in not much of an appetite. Hopefully today will be a big turnaround. I have been powering through it, getting things done around the house, trying to clean and get rid of stuff all the while the princess makes messes in her path. ha!ha! I told my husband it would be so nice to have a house keeper (which would be a dream) but what a waste it would be because just hours later wouldn't be able to tell they had been there. Just venting. No Big Deal. Ho hum! Anyhooo....Took a 5+ mile walk last night in the dark just to unwind and get some exercise. I needed it but it made sleep difficult last night. Weird dreams and waking up a lot was the trade off. I was reading something today which made me think...more so for some reason as I was putting the oreos in my son's lunch. We truly are responsible for so much of what happens with our bodies and we have control. I have learned I won't curl up and blow away without sugar or dairy or gasp...wheat, and grains and beans, rice...etc. That stuff isn't the devil but I don't have to have it. I have 9 days left including today so planning my strategy for what comes next and I am not sure that I am ready to add those items back in. Then there is another part of me that wonders if really researching a paleo diet would be could so I could replace more processed items in my cupboard for my family (like oreos) would be a good idea. Then they can "have their cake and eat it too". I think that is a ways off and for now I will focus on me and work on my relationship with food and ease in to that because making paleo muffins and bread could trigger old habits that I am not ready to fight but I do at some point want to mesh more of what I am eating with what my family eats so there is not such a great disconnect.

An early post but today is Day #17...

I am about to head my son out the door to school so this post will soon be interrupted. I can't believe I didn't post on Day #15 or #16 but quite honestly life happens. I have been busy as my grand baby has been staying with her other grandparents so taking advantage of the time I have to get things done and catch up around my house. I have also been pretty active on a FB forum for first time Whole30 Newcomers. It is hard to believe that I am on the downward slope of this first 30 days but honestly I don't see myself doing a re intro right away on day 31. I think I may keep going for a while. The reason... I feel really good and I don't crave sugar and I don't crave salty snacks or snacks period AND I keep looking inward and thinking about the WHYS in regards to food. I was walking the other day and I was asking myself what I can do in replacement of eating when I am stressed. There needs to be something we do to replace a binge when we feel stressed instead of bad behavior like downing a bag of chips, buttered crackers or cookies or whatever the sweet spot is...when need to have something that we do that replaces that behavior. This HUGE time out from those sweets, carbohydrates and snacks (even licking fingers when preparing a lunch for a kiddo) has really given me a huge boost and time to reflect. I actually feel less stressed which makes me wonder...does sugar contribute to stress? When I think I NEED chocolate is it actually the opposite? So that is why I am seriously considering taking a break and doing this longer...it feels really good. It is not as hard as I thought it would be to go without some things like dairy or grains or beans. I figure my way around it. I accommodate my families meals. I get creative with my meals and I eat this amazing assortment of vegetables and they are beautiful. I love not counting calories but just knowing that if I eat these 3 meals a day with good protein, beautiful vegetables, healthy fat and some fruit I am good. It is pure, it is clean and I am the power behind it. I don't like the dishes but I appreciate cooking in large batches and having plenty of leftovers to make future meals for myself. It honestly is not that hard. I feel physically like I am seeing some changes. I have been good and stayed off the scale as I should. My face is looking thinner and I feel like my shoulders are thinner. My waist also feels like it is slimming down. Do my jeans feel looser...no, not really but that will come. 17 days is not really that long to expect miracles but I am giving it time. Having the opportunity to get some good, long walks in has been awesome. I will do another 5 today. I have walked 3 out of the 4 days she has been away and she comes home tomorrow. She will be here for 10 days before they keep her again. She and I will have to do our walks with the stroller. It is hard to do 5 milers with her because she doesn't like sitting for that long in the stroller. Some of my walks may be evening walks after her Mommy is home from work. Those walks are nice but a little scary. I deck out in my reflective vest, headlamp and flash light but some cars aren't very gracious and graze me which is frustrating but I carry on. I made my reservations for February to go to Texas for my Daddy's 80th birthday and during that week I will turn 50 as well. My goal back in July of 2014 was to be below 200 by the time I turned 50 but I did that quite a long time ago. I gained some of the weight I lost back but I am still below 200 so I have been trying to think of a goal for myself for my 50th. Part of me doesn't want this to be about weight but the other part of me is so motivated by goals...they really help me out a lot. I think if I were to set a goal for 50, I would say that I would love to be 180 by my 50th birthday but learn to stay there from now on. I just want to be a size 12. I am a size 12 now but I want to be a loose fitting, pick up any size 12 in the world and it fits kinda gal. Size 12 is the perfect size for me and I am so happy and comfortable there...truly. So setting a goal for my 50th birthday which is February 16, 2016, I would like to weigh 180 and just keep it there. It doesn't have to be less.... right there will be perfect. One other goal....will be to keep walking...no matter what. Last year I walked in the snow, the freezing rain, when the ground was frozen...I walked. I need to walk. I can't let anything or any little one keep me from taking care of me because by taking care of me I will be so much better at taking care of her and everyone else. Walking....no excuse....there is always...time. It may be awkward and dark and colder but I have have the equipment and I have a wonderful support system....so I need to walk at least 4 times a week. It saves me....it really does. I get so depressed and walking is my councilor. I am disappointed because I have half marathon that I am registered for on Oct. 11 but I am not going to do it because I know I am not ready for it. I have done a half marathon before and I know what it takes. I have all the heart and I could probably complete it but it would wreck my feet. Recently I lost a toenail after doing 10 miles and then even more recently I got a huge blister after doing about 4 miles. I need to train more and be more prepared for a half and there will be another in my future. This is just isn't the time. It's a shame. There is a Jingle Bell Run which is a 5K in December I will do with my son, and I will find other 5K's but a half will probably wait for spring when I am more physically fit and my feet are in better shape. Long post for Day #17. #15 and #16 were great days and I ate well. I am going to go make a yummy breakfast, go for a good walk and then go to Trader Joe's and get some vegetables and other goodies. There is a Buffalo Chicken and Sweet Potato Casserole I would like to try. My family may totally gag but I have to try some of these things on them. Who knows they may really like it. Wouldn't it be funny if I could change them over to a paleo diet? My husband would have to give up his sweet tea, coke and my son his Dr. Pepper. I believe my daughter's probably would be on board. My 9 year old would be a wrestle. A Mom can try...right? Well.....onward with the day I go. If you have made it this far...bless you. I hope you have an amazing day. Including today....13 days to go and then I can check my progress. From there we'll see where I go.