Monday, April 5, 2010

I think I am "THERE"....

I am at that place I don't want to be. You know the one? The one where you don't want your picture taken because it'll reveal what you already know. I don't want to see family because they'll take notice that I sure don't look like I did a couple of months ago. My sexiness....don't the toilet. My confidence...down the toilet! My ability to breathe in my life and feel like I OWN IT! groove....CAPUT!!!!!!!! I feel like a total puffer fish! And I want to scream....a gut wrenching, internal scream that the universe can hear because I am sooooooooooo tired of this. I am a hamster on a wheel....that goes round and round and round.
I remember LONG ago there was a lady named "Susan Powter" or something similar and she used to scream..."Stop the Insanity"! That is where I am at.....this is completely insane and I have got to grab hold of the reins and STOP!
Screw the pictures of me, screw what everyone else sees....I have to think about ME!!!!! I have to remember that I am "The Selfish Lady" and it's all about me! Saving....ME!ME!ME!
I guess I just hate that there is no "end point" will always be a work in progress and I have got to get that through my head. I can't STOP!
I will be blogging helped. It cleanses my head a little bit as does walking and sweating and feeling like I accomplished a little something. So I have done one good thing today and am about to tie my shoes and do another.
Selfish Lady Sends....


The Silly Witch said...

Keep it up! (The blogging, the exercising, etc.) Sorry I didn't return your call this week. My sister was in town, so we had a fun busy week until Quinn got pink eye in both eyes plus a double ear infection.

EMILY said...

I am sorry you are having a hard time. I am no where near my goal weight and I am feeling frustrated that there will never be an end. I know these changes have to be for life. it is so frustrating that i can gain weight so quickly when i am not eating perfectly and it is so so difficult for me to lose it. i don't know if i can eat perfectly for the rest of my life. it seems like an overwhelming idea.

try not to worry about the skin. i am sure you hate it but i doubt most people can even notice it. i mean, you don't usually go out in public in the nude do you? hee hee. i am sorry. i wish we could all just have the perfect bodies we deserve:)