I am at that place I don't want to be. You know the one? The one where you don't want your picture taken because it'll reveal what you already know. I don't want to see family because they'll take notice that I sure don't look like I did a couple of months ago. My sexiness....don't the toilet. My confidence...down the toilet! My ability to breathe in my life and feel like I OWN IT! Gone....my rhythm...my groove....CAPUT!!!!!!!! I feel like a total puffer fish! And I want to scream....a gut wrenching, internal scream that the universe can hear because I am sooooooooooo tired of this. I am a hamster on a wheel....that goes round and round and round.
I remember LONG ago there was a lady named "Susan Powter" or something similar and she used to scream..."Stop the Insanity"! That is where I am at.....this is completely insane and I have got to grab hold of the reins and STOP!
Screw the pictures of me, screw what everyone else sees....I have to think about ME!!!!! I have to remember that I am "The Selfish Lady" and it's all about me! Saving....ME!ME!ME!
I guess I just hate that there is no "end point"...it will always be a work in progress and I have got to get that through my head. I can't STOP!
I will be blogging more...it helped. It cleanses my head a little bit as does walking and sweating and feeling like I accomplished a little something. So I have done one good thing today and am about to tie my shoes and do another.
Selfish Lady Sends....
2 comments:
Keep it up! (The blogging, the exercising, etc.) Sorry I didn't return your call this week. My sister was in town, so we had a fun busy week until Quinn got pink eye in both eyes plus a double ear infection.
Amy,
I am sorry you are having a hard time. I am no where near my goal weight and I am feeling frustrated that there will never be an end. I know these changes have to be for life. it is so frustrating that i can gain weight so quickly when i am not eating perfectly and it is so so difficult for me to lose it. i don't know if i can eat perfectly for the rest of my life. it seems like an overwhelming idea.
try not to worry about the skin. i am sure you hate it but i doubt most people can even notice it. i mean, you don't usually go out in public in the nude do you? hee hee. i am sorry. i wish we could all just have the perfect bodies we deserve:)
hugs
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