Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Struggling Along

I have been floundering and looking for a reason. It's like standing in a giant, empty whare house that echos calling out..."reason....reason....where are you?" "I have to find you so I can get back on track". I was sitting here earlier and of course so many things go through my head constantly but something just filled me up with strength and pushed me out the door. I feel 100% just because I got out and did what I needed to do even though I didn't feel like it. I will admit...I woke up and dressed for it as I always do but I was hedging a little. I went for a good walk and actually ran quite a bit. I was amazed at the ease with which I could run. The only issue I was having was with my pants falling off. They slide off every time I run and it gets distracting. I am going to have to find something that actually stays on me...either that or some duct tape.

I understand now and believe that goals are important. Once you reach have to grab hold of another no matter what it is. I have been really satisfied with my weight loss and so let up on myself ALOT. The consequence of that is that I have gained 8 pounds. I still fit in my size 12's but they are snug and I don't like that. I also have my half marathon in 2 months and so 8 pounds is not going to make me lighter on my feet by any means. Before I had this number...and then I got to this size that I really love. I love being a 12...not a chubby 12 but a "clothes fit well" 12. I am built in such a way that my large frame and a size 12 are a perfect match. Satisfaction however has gotten the best of me though so I need to whip my ass back in shape a bit.

So I set a goal by February to lose 13 pounds. That will put me under my "happy weight" but set me up well for my half marathon in January. It also gives me something to focus on. Kent and I are also going to do something fun with just us for our anniversary and perhaps it'll make just that much "hotter" for him. ha!ha!

This "place" I am at right now is that scary place I have been before...over and over but NOT giving in to it. I am going to let my strength over take my weakness.

Selfish Lady Sends......

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