As we lay down the other night my sweet husband asked me how I was doing on my half marathon training. I told him it was slow...BIG understatement. I then proceeded to tearfully pour out my heart to him. I think I am a bit burnt out and wishing that I could just be this person right now and be done with this battle. I am so tired of fighting. I wish I could be this weight, wear what I want to and cook what I want to and bake and do all those things I love without this weight loss battle being the center of my universe as it has been the past year. I have people tell me I inspire them, I am their hero...etc...etc...etc... I don't want to be any of that. I just want to be AMY. I just want to be the girl I have always been...me. I don't want my life to be all about this anymore BUT...there are somethings in this world we aren't given a choice about...and the "battle of the bulge" is one that I was dealt by genetics, or whatever...but it's NOT going away ever no matter how thin I get. I am trying to muddle through finding some compromise...a place where I can exist and stay here but not be so constantly overwhelmed with trying so hard. There is just no way around the fact that I have to exercise regularly or my body suffers. I have gained some of my weight back and my 12's are tight! I told a friend of mine that I will go naked before I buy a larger size. I am just NOT going to do it. I also have to continue to eat right. There are parts of me still that I don't mind the few pounds I gained because it beats the sagging skin...like I have some boobs now...sorta...and a butt...but not diggin' the little muffin top thing! Where is that magic wand? Don't I wish I could say..."okay fat...fill in a little here but not there...and oh yeah..over here but stay away from there." LOL
This time is still so different than any other time in my life because I am not a fat girl anymore...don't feel like one and refuse to go back there. I just need to remind my hand of that when it picks up things and goes searching for my mouth. Ha!Ha!
Selfish Lady Sends.............
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