It's not Wednesday.....

eh...so a day late....oh well. This bad cold, bronchial mess has kicked my tail AND taken my 9 year old as it's latest victim. I haven't walked in a week or been to the gym and I am so miserable about that. I weighed in today at 176 pounds so I have managed to keep the weight down. So my current weight lost since July now stands at 95.6. I set my goal to get to somewhere between 175 and 170 pounds so I am oh so close. However I just feel like I am in this space that is a good place now to really change now and become strong. I need to get well....wahhhhhhhh.....Tomorrow...no matter what I am going walking and to the gym and little dude is going to school. I will say I have worked hard around the house today so for being "down" I have still kept moving. I hope my older son doesn't have a fit when he comes home and discovers I super cleaned his room. LOL :)

 

Lately though...I have been having issues with worry about the future and our next move. I know I need to be careful because it is not even summer, we won't move until the following summer AND I am already letting the OVERWHELM creep in. I suppose I can use this to my advantage and take it to the pavement and walk it out but seriously...it is going to drive me a bit mad. I am a worrier, and a planner and a control freak when it comes to some things. I hate moving, I hate this year before and I hate the process especially now when I have just things that will have to be dealt with before hand. :(

 

I need to remember to rely on my Heavenly Father because I know he will smooth it all out. It will all be okay.

Sick Day.....

This week has been a down week for me work out wise. I had a few days I walked and one day I made it to the gym and then WHAM!!!! The crud hit me like a ton of bricks. I may be completely over thinking this but I have wondered and wondered if it wasn't the steam room that I sat in for about 15 minutes on Monday. It could also be germs from the airplane from my trip to Cali, or germs from the gym equipment or heaven forbid...it was time for this health, middle aged female to just get sick. Gasp....Anyway...I am stuck in bed, huge jug of water, coughing my lungs up, ears aching, joints aching, nose running and things could be worse so life is really good. I count my blessings.

Lately the scale has been hanging around 178-9 and this morning it was 177.something. I chalk that up to illness and not really eating a whole lot these last couple of days. Anyway, I think I can safely say I am in that zone or getting close to it. As I get in to this area I feel so comfortable in I am searching for a strong body. The size I am wearing I am very comfortable and I don't mind if this is where I land. My goal now is to refine and tone and strengthen. (wouldn't mind the muffin top disappearing but part of that is skin creeping over) So my goals are going to start to be more strength driven, experience driven and learning to balance and maintain.

I have found I love going to the gym. I feel strong there and enjoy making sure I include my walks around the neighborhood for a warm-up first really makes a huge difference. I feel like I would be losing something major about this journey if I let go of what I love so much and that is my walking. I don't like treadmills, can't do treadmills and heaven forbid...one day I may be resigned to use one but for now...I have this beautiful area and I can get out and walk and go further if I want or cut it short if I want. The gorgeous spring is here which will soon turn in to an amazing Summer. This is a time to relish in Sun and the precious few months of warmth that this area offers us. I am looking forward to learning to kayak, and going hiking and just putting myself out there and trying new things.

So as I sniffle and cough and hack in bed, those are the "Selfish Lady's" thoughts. I have got to get on the mend so I can get right back out there and get to it.

Some days just suck and then it changes...

Yesterday was one of those days and actually I have had a few funky days. I woke up just feeling really blue and I couldn't put my finger on what was going on. I knew I needed to go for a walk and go to the gym and I wasn't feeling it but I got dressed for it anyway. I headed out the door for a walk with a sense of dread but as I walked things changed. It was an emotional walk and I don't like those because crying and walking aren't a good mix but they are oh so good for me. I still don't know what it is that was bothering me but all I know is that by the time I was done walking I felt a huge sense of relief and was ready to go tackle the gym. I had a great "self talk" as a climbed the "hill I hate" and it was just something I needed to get out an do. It confirmed to me what I already knew and that was that when I don't feel like doing something I need to do it anyway because I will feel so much better afterward. My day changed from being down and depressing to ending up being pretty good. I am grateful I pushed through the funk and got my butt out the door.

To put things in to perspective....

The first picture was taken of me today and I am weighing about 180ish. I had just gotten back from walking close to 8 miles. The second picture is old, taken in November of 2008 but it is the only one of I have of me at my heighest weight, 286 pounds. I came across it last night and I was pretty stunned to see that person there...such an unhappy soul. I have a long way to go but thank goodness that lady in the second picture is no more. 

No Wednesday post this week....

It's been a crazy week this week since I got back from my trip to California which was amazing. I had a wonderful time and LOVED the opportunity to go sleeveless and bask in the sunshine. WARMTH...awe...how I missed it. It was a joy to finally achieve the goal that I set for myself when and if I broke 200 and that was the walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. I did that with my best friend. I got a little choked as I watched her because I knew what it meant to her as well as she has lost now over 165 pounds I believe. I asked her while we were walking if she could have pictured us here a year ago as we walked arm in arm, holding hands at time...and she said..."No way". It was surreal. What a huge change our lives have taken. It is a gift to be here now in this place mentally and physically and I am so grateful for struggles and heartaches and hitting the bottom. It is those moments that made me change and decide I just couldn't stay in that place I was in. I want to be different. 

I will post pictures of my trip and some will include my cool photo shoot my buddy took with me. She dolled me up with heavy makeup and took some head shots. She is a nut but it was so fun and of course looking at them makes me something I don't see every day. The trip was filled with girl talk and shopping and pampering, and hanging out and watching her son (who is like a son to me) play baseball, and yummy food, and lunch out with another dear friend. It was healing balm for this tired Mom and Grandma. 

On the last day there, I went to the gym with my BFF and was inspired by her strength. I have known for quite some time that while walking has brought me to a point...I am at a place that I need more and only a place like a gym is going to get me there. I need to strength train, I need weights and equipment that I just don't have at home. So I went and joined a gym. I am hoping that I can build muscle and tone up and not necessarily lose a bunch more weight but strengthen myself and build on the work I have already done. 

On that note...I got on the scale today and it was 180.8 so I have officially lost over 90 pounds. I am very excited about that. I am 5-10 pounds from my personal goals. The gym has other things in mind for me but again...building muscle and core strength is what I am really going there for. I did set some personal goals that I may try to shoot for but I am a little unsure of them and I need to anchor myself more. Goals regarding trying to learn to run and working towards a 5K in July is one of them. I am not going to give up my walking because I love that and I need the therapy and I know I would be giving up something that has made a huge impact on my life if I did. So I am going to try to incorporate walking/running at home and then do the weights at the gym. I will probably do some time there on the different equipment for short cardio bursts like elliptical, rowing, and this funking treadmill they have to warm up. For the most part my walking will take center stage in my environment as it has been because obviously it has been effective and I am guarded about that. 

My 30 day range goal is to be in the 170's and to run a mile. I had inserted a "hopefully" but that didn't sound very optimistic so I need to be a little more committed. I actually wrote down that when I do the Color Run on Mother's Day, I would like to run at least 1 mile of that. So that is just a hair of 1 month away. I have the distance under my belt as I walk 5,6,7 miles easily and I walk hills easily. I just have to break through the mental block that tells me to stop running and that is easier said than done. 

Off to go walk and throw a few sprints in there and see how I do today. Life is good...so very good. I am blessed with family, friends and the strength that comes from my Saviour. He has given me the faith in myself to change. I know I can do this because nothing is impossible.