Yep, gonna post two in one day...

I don't as a rule post twice in one day but I wanted to make a shout out to one of my friends!

I am so proud of Diane and wanted to tell her that I think she is doing an AWESOME JOB!

I am posting a picture of a lilly because she loves them. She knows what she has accomplished so I won't share ALL the goods but let's just suffice it to say she really rocks and I think she's wonderful!

Keep it up Ms. Diane! Your doing great!!!!!

Just thoughts...that's all....

Yesterday I was pondering...and I was thinking about one of my favorite blogs. I thought about how amazing it is and how I wish I had such gifts and talents and yada, yada,yada. I thought about other friends of mine and all the super things about them that I believe make them remarkable and how I wish I had bits and pieces of them. I found myself pushing "ME" way down on the "TOTEM" poll...like feet resting on my head shoving down, down,down. I was like "what in the heck!" I don't know why I do that. This blog I write is not for the masses or for the few friends of mine that may read it here and there, it is for me. So if it is not as amazing as I may find other blogs, then WHATEVER! I am plicking and plucking through something in my life right now that I find so incredibly difficult but so real. The journey to ME. (Where is my Space Odyssey Theme music when I need it) The story I write here...is MINE! The words...MINE. The thoughts....MINE! The "Totem" pole needs to have MY many different weird faces on it....at all stages of this race I run for my life.

So on to another crazy thought as I was trying to do some housecleaning A.D.D. style yesterday. Good Golly Miss Molly. It hit me as I had gone from hanging a few clothes in the closet to going straight in to the shower and started scrubbing randomly that it made no sense whatsoever what I was doing. I thought...I ought to make a video on "youtube" about this. No wonder it takes so freakin long to accomplish anything because I am here, there and EVERYWHERE....constantly. I am sure if any one where to sit and watch the method to my madness they would be completely confused because honestly there is no method...it's just complete madness...mwhahahahaha.... That is why those that love me....JUST LOVE ME!

Oh well...It's Friday and I have had an awesome week...down like 6 pounds even though I should not be keeping track of that but I am. My pants are still TOO tight but that will change soon. My daughter's prom is tomorrow and I am off this weekend and will enjoy being with my family.

Selfish Lady Sends.

Good Goobily Grape...

That seriously doesn't mean a darn thing but if it made ya look then Ha!Ha! Got ya! I can't believe that I started eating better on Monday and here it is mid Thursday and I feel so much better...like Sooooooooooooooo much better. I also don't really want to talk too much about weight but will let ya in on a little bitty secret...When I spied on my weight Monday...and then spied on my weight this morning...well there is more than a 5 pound difference already. That is kinda sad and kinda great all in the same thought. I know it's water weight but seriously don't care about it....it's a HUGE difference in a very few days just from being smart about my choices. I have A LOT more energy. ANOTHER thing I have noticed...when I wear my workout clothes, I feel like walking. If I dress like a slob you can only guess what I feel like. The word "slug" comes to my mind...

I think I have felt like a slug long enough.... Here's to no more "slugging" around...

Selfish Lady Sends....

Breakfast of a champion....

This is what one of my favorite breakfasts looks like. I am kicking myself because I have been missing out on all the fun of eating this way lately. I love to cook and I love to eat and this is one is so yummy. It's a whole wheat high fiber tortilla (Mission Plus) and then scramble egg whites with some sea salt and cracked pepper. I have about 1/4 of a small avocado sliced on there and then some home-made salsa! I confess...I literally drank the leftover juice off the plate...it was that good.

So after two good days I feel like I am on a bit of a "roll"...and eventually my "rolls" should go down some. I stepped on the scale just for some encouragement and we'll just say I got LOTS of encouragement in just two days. I am seriously just trying to get back to a point where I feel good in my skin and my clothes fit where I want them to. I am not shooting for some mystical weight or pie in the sky number. I just want to enjoy the great closet full of clothes I have and stay FAR away from the plus sized department. I do not want to creep back in that direction.
I just want to settle, nestle down in a nice, pleasant place where I feel comfortable about me. I feel a lot of shame again because it's obvious that I have gained weight and I cringe when I come around people who haven't seen me in a couple of months. It's like "Wonder Woman" lost her powers or something. Gack! I hate that and I have never wanted to be that or feel that way. I am trying to work through that because I feel like I am pushing people I love and care about away because of it.

Wooo Hooo!

I survived yesterday! I stepped on the scale became "painfully" aware of how much I have screwed up lately and I lived to tell about it! To top it all off...yesterday I loved myself enough to eat well, drink plenty of water and stay far away from the crap! I think that's pretty newsworthy! Don't you????? Here's to another good day!

Selfish Lady Sends....

The "pendulum" hath swung.........

and it "hath" gonged me right up side the head! Do you wanna know what I did today? I stood in the doorway of my bathroom and stared across it at the scale on the other side just sitting on the floor. It kinda reminded me of a spaghetti western and we were in the middle of town about to have a shoot out...just me...and that ol' dusty scale! I stepped a little closer...a little closer still...and before it could move, I held my breath, closed my eyes and I hopped on it to hold it down. I slowly opened one eye and looked straight ahead and realized that I was still alive. I was standing on the scale and I was still alive and breathing. This was a big thing! I opened the other eye and realized that I could indeed still see and the dizzying affects of standing on a lonely, dusty scale had only temporarily rendered me blind. Of course I knew what that meant for me...so I very gently let my chin fall south and sort of squeenched up my face so I wouldn't get the full on "vision" of that digital read out that was about pop out at me. I slowly relaxed and let it come in to view and well...there it was........DAMN! I might as well have been shot in a draw because OUCH! That just hurts! Here.......I am going to silently mutter all kinds of bad words

Alright I am done! I must say however I am so glad that I did it! I think one of my biggest faults lately has been NOT doing what I know I should be TO THE EXTREME TIMES PIE! (including some pie too! LOL) That includes not regularly getting on the scale and knowing where I stand.

So today's post is not full of promises or anything even though I have lots of grand schemes rolling around my heart and head. Today's post is just a REVELATION or a confession!

We will see what tomorrow brings.

Selfish Lady Sends...

Sugar...Sugar....ah...Honey...Honey.....

So I have "signed" up,"thrown my hat in", given the "big thumbs up"...for a challenge from some of my Coast Guard wife friends. It is a challenge to NOT consume any sugar for the next two weeks beginning Saturday, April 10th! Since I am the crazy mother who will be chaperoning a bunch of band kids from the wee hours of Saturday to Sunday on a band contest/amusement park trip...I have decided to start on Sunday. Start I shall though...

I believe I am going to use my blog each and every day just to record whatever the heck I want. My hope is that it'll help me get back on the track I have gotten so far off of.

Here's to me...and goodbye to the "white stuff".

Selfish Lady Sends.........

Mirror Mirror On The Wall....

Why do you have to be so honest? Why do I hate what I see staring back at me?

Ugg...I just don't have the profound rah!rah!rah! words right now. They are just gone from me. All those "I can do anything feelings" have escaped! Poof! Gone.

I find myself having a resentment for people who have weight loss surgery right now. How stupid is that? I am just being honest with myself though. I have never believed they have it easy. I have always believed that I would rather do what I have done than take the risks associated with WLS...BUT, and there is always a big BUT....they have a "tool of permanence" I call it. I think though I am no expert that it is much harder to undo WLS and eat around it than it is to gain weight without. Am I making any sense at all? I am just saying that it doesn't take much effort for someone who hasn't had WLS to gain but people who have probably have to work a little harder to gain. Maybe I am just talking out my ASS. Yes, I said ASS....sorry it's not a pretty word but I have warned before that I can be salty sometimes and I guess I am feeling extra seasoned right now. The collective few who even may read this will be happy to know that will be the extent of my naughty vocab. in this blog post.

So I am blogging today because I just need to and desperately trying to sort through how I feel. It is if I am waiting for something to "click" in me...the "switch" to go back on. For now...I guess the lights are on but nobodies home. Ha!Ha!

Blah, Blah,Blah....

Normally I would think these are very cute but since this is how I feel lately....I DON'T THINK IT'S CUTE AT ALL!

I think I am "THERE"....

I am at that place I don't want to be. You know the one? The one where you don't want your picture taken because it'll reveal what you already know. I don't want to see family because they'll take notice that I sure don't look like I did a couple of months ago. My sexiness....don't the toilet. My confidence...down the toilet! My ability to breathe in my life and feel like I OWN IT! Gone....my rhythm...my groove....CAPUT!!!!!!!! I feel like a total puffer fish! And I want to scream....a gut wrenching, internal scream that the universe can hear because I am sooooooooooo tired of this. I am a hamster on a wheel....that goes round and round and round.

I remember LONG ago there was a lady named "Susan Powter" or something similar and she used to scream..."Stop the Insanity"! That is where I am at.....this is completely insane and I have got to grab hold of the reins and STOP!

Screw the pictures of me, screw what everyone else sees....I have to think about ME!!!!! I have to remember that I am "The Selfish Lady" and it's all about me! Saving....ME!ME!ME!

I guess I just hate that there is no "end point"...it will always be a work in progress and I have got to get that through my head. I can't STOP!

I will be blogging more...it helped. It cleanses my head a little bit as does walking and sweating and feeling like I accomplished a little something. So I have done one good thing today and am about to tie my shoes and do another.

Selfish Lady Sends....