Tuesday, June 16, 2015

I can't believe it has been this long....

There is always a tale-tell sign when it has been a while since I have been on that something is going on in my life and that things aren't going swimmingly. Such has been the case with my absence of late. I can't say that it has been anything major...just a huge "OVERWHELM" and it has reflected greatly in a slow down on my part. There is good parts to this and bad parts to this. Bad parts first....I have walked less and totally said screw the gym (just not my thing) and have been stress eating to a gain of about 10 pounds. So where is the good part in that....I am aware still, committed and so very much IN THIS! I can look at what is going on and see what I see understand where I need to prioritize things. I am letting life get in the way of me. Not making excuses but physically I am in a very comfortable place now so this is the size that I want to be (12) and so it is a maintenance period. Of course comfort eating and not walking as much is not going to help me maintain anything. Also...I realize I haven't been blogging which really helps me clear my thoughts out but it gives me a place to set goals. I was walking yesterday (6.8 miles) and I realized I haven't been setting goals. I was really motivated by my goals so I need to get back to doing that. It is a "place-mark" for me and helps me see something in the distance to reach out for. Even in a maintenance phase we still need goals obviously or footing is lost. So here I am dealing with this gain. My clothes still fit but I am itchy. Itch means body changing and that is not cool so I have to get busy and get back to work. Reality talking there. July 26th will be one year since I started this process and yesterday while walking I decided that I will give myself till then to drop that 10 pounds. Now I got on the scale this morning and a bit of it was gone already. Yesterday I was 186 and this morning I was 184.4. I would like to bee 176 by July 26. So that is one goal I am putting out there. My next goal I am putting out there is to get back to walking no less than 4 times a week. It is going to have to be at what ever time of the day I can do it but I need to do it. In October I am walking a Half Marathon and I have to get ready for that. I also need to support my mental health and all the stuff that is going on in my life right now and truly walking is the absolute best medicine there is for me. It is my CHURCH. I feel so lifted up and in tune with my God and Savior and pray constantly. I try to leave my worries on the pavement with every step I take. Sometimes I just let the tears come because I don't feel like I can be alone here in my own house to take a moment to just cry. My life is good and I am blessed and I don't want for anyone to read this to be mistaken but I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a grandmother, I am a taxi driver, I am a babysitter,I am a lady going through "the change"...I am soon going to be preparing for another move next summer, we are trying to sell a house from thousands of miles away, I am worried for my eldest child who is trying to carve out a life for she and her baby and will stay behind as we move away...so many, many things that weigh on my heart. I want to take care of me and not loose all the ground I covered. I just can't do that to myself...not again. I trudged up "the hill that I hate" yesterday and I remembered all the walks in the freezing cold, the ice, even some snow but I got out there and I did it...I didn't give up. I can't give up now. NO WAY. So...for those of you that really know me...if you read this...keep me in your thoughts...shoot me a note...send me email jagjaglee@gmail.com. I would love to hear what you are doing to get through the tough moments and how you are climbing those hills to win your battles.

Two other goals I am trying to set for myself is in regards to eating. The caution to the wind attitude had got to change and I don't know where it came from. Yesterday I ate really great and back to the high fiber, vegetables and lean meat. So this is the course I have to get back to. Water is the other thing I need to work on. I wasn't really great at it before because of my bladder issues but since I have lost so much weight those have really improved so I would like to drink more water.

They say goals not written down are merely wishes so I have recorded my goals. If you follow my blog at all I hope you will stick with me. I have come a long way and I am truly proud of myself and want to make this change permanent and life long. Going from a size 22 to 12 in less than a year feels great and it is that feeling that is more important to me than the "looking". To walk out the door and know I can do just about anything I set my mind to is amazing and I find courage in unexpected places. I just need to work on my faith and learning to trust more and leave things to God. I know everything that I am worrying about will be okay....I just need to take care of that which I can take care of and leave everything else to him.

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