This will have nothing to do with weight loss....

We may be at another cross roads in the life of our family. We are coming up upon a time where huge decisions are to made regarding our place in this world and where we should go next. A probable advancement will once again push us in other directions...but to where, we have no idea.

First I have to say how profoundly proud I am of my sweet husband. He is so shy to acknowledge that he is a pretty smart guy. What he has accomplished during his service in the Coast Guard is something pride worthy. Yet, he is so humble but I see it in his eyes. He will never boast but he is beaming for sure and I think he should. I love that about him.

I sat last night with my 3 eldest in the office. I don't even remember what caused us to all end up in the same room but it gave us the time to have a heart to heart. I went to bed last night filled with an insurmountable amount of gratitude for these gifts, our children. Each one of them is amazing and as much as I beat myself up about my failings as a person and a parent, I see them, I hear them and understand that they didn't get their magically. I did have a hand in the amazing kids they are. I heard my daughter share with us tearfully the most amazing testimony of her Heavenly Father's love, and her great love for our family. I was stunned for a moment and then consumed.

I am a lucky person and for all my struggles there are triumphs. Life is NOT all about my physicality...it actually has precious little to do with it. It's about LIVING, and LOVING and being present in the moment. I miss so many important moments because I am thinking or doing things that are really unimportant. I don't want to miss anymore.

I will press on and be more prayerful about the changes I make in me...as huge changes continue to be made in our family. My daughter reminded me that no matter what, we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and we have an incredible family. No matter where we go, that is a constant and anything else pales in comparison.

Leap...Leap I said! Go on LEAP!

I keep hearing that in my head. Take a leap...do this...get out of this box...move ahead...get off this place where you are stuck and reach out ahead in to the future.

"Unless you change direction you'll arive at where your going". Hello, I am arriving at my destination and I DON'T like it one bit.

I hate the waiting and I tell myself NOT TO! What am I waiting for the mysterious "it" that I always seem to be waiting for. That jolt of whatever it is to push me off the cliff and move out ahead. I can't do this anymore.

I suppose it's time for a "sit down" with myself and plan out my strategy. I don't mean wake up one morning and do things 100% different because that is the key to failure in my life. I mean just figure out what small steps I can make to move me in the right direction.

It's time to LEAP!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am making a "wish" list. It's not a list for anyone but me...my dream wish list.

I wish my house was organized. I wish when I opened a drawer I saw everything neatly folded, in it's place. I wish all books were on a "book shelf", papers were in folders in a nice, tidy office. I wish clothes were washed and put a way, floors were always swept and mopped, bathroom emaculate, dinner made, boy in bed early every night after a bath, and I wish we had enough money to enjoy life and pay "Peter and Paul" without me working. I wish I could make the time to sew magical things, or crochet. I wish I could curl up with a book and enjoy it without knowing that I am neglecting the many other things that I need to do. I wish when people came to visit I didn't feel the need to "apologize" because things are in perfect order in my home. I wish when my family came to visit and I felt a sense of panic because I can't possibly get the house perfect like I want.

I wish I could have taught my children at a very young age to help more and to pick up after themselves. I feel like I really failed in that department because I just didn't want to "fight".

It's raining outside and if my surroundings where as I wish they were I could blog and not feel the pangs of guilt I feel right now because there are other things I need to be doing.

So I close "my wish" list for now. I am off to attempt to accomplish something before I go to work and then tomorrow the cycle begins again. Sigh....